Write the reasons to choose your course and the University of Waterloo.
My Response -
It had been my dream to work with computers & master the software behind it. I learned to code in HTML, C# & visual basic making around 40 programs in python. The more I learned the more passionate I became. The process of choosing software was gradual & based on my desire to specialize in cyber-security & AI. My search for a university that could provide me education both practical & theoretical led me to Waterloo. I want to take part in Hackathons & Co-op programs to master the skills I will need in future. Waterloo also had the best fit to quench my thirst for books, the Dana Porter Library. Reading blogs of professors like Ian Goldberg ignite me to learn more.Startup-Incubators like Velocity, is what attracted me the most because after all what leads the world are not only machines but also ideas.It will help me to change my dream of owning a startup into reality.
Note - Ian Goldberg is a professor at UWaterloo.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 12,837 4174
Hetav, the first sentence is a throw away. You have repeated that information several times in different statements. Stop repeating information. That can disqualify your essay because you do not have any new information to offer. Start instead with "The process of choosing software..." and add an explanation as to why you have an interest in cybersecurity and AI. When you mention Prof. Goldberg, add what it was that he wrote that encouraged you to learn more. Answer the question: Learn about what? How does that relate to your interest in Cybersecurity and AI? About Velocity, add a short description of what you imagine your start up company to be and why you believe UW will be the best place to launch it. Remove the mention of your thirst for books and the Dana Porter library in order to make room for your comparative sentence in relation to Velocity and your start up. These changes will remove the repeated information and also give better reasons for your course and university choice.
Thank you Holt for your suggestions are these edits alright :-
# I want to build a startup in cybersecurity to aid companies fight cybercrime and identify potential threats through AI.
# UWaterloo's innovative environment and supportive teachers is what I need for my launch my startup.
# Description of one of Ian Goldberg's work :-
Cryptographic and online voting that can not only save time but also drastically reduce the amount of money required.
# I will delete the first line and remove the mention of Dana Porter library [ Do I really need to remove this :( ]