Hello. Please review my statement of intent for School of Visual Arts.
I had trouble with the beginning sentence. I have mix feelings with it because I don't know if I caught your attention. I really want to catch my readers attention. So please let me know if it is alright with you guys.
I also want to know if my essay was:
- interesting
- kept your attention throughout the essay
- and importantly, stick with the prompt
I will be grateful in receiving any feed back. Whether it's grammar or adding/removing content! Enjoy!
Prompt:
In 500 words or less, discuss your reasons for pursuing undergraduate study in the visual arts. Feel free to include any information about yourself, your goals and interests that may not be immediately apparent from the review of your transcripts or portfolio.
Essay:
The road to success is always under construction. From as far back as I can remember I always wanted to pursue majoring and professionally having a job in the visual arts. I always loved art throughout my life. As children we were all came across the question "what do you want to be when you grow up?" multiple times. At first being a child, I loved to play with my friends and I loved my teachers, so I wanted to be a teacher. But I didn't think that would be fun grading test, check homework or maybe not being a student's favorite teacher and definitely reading essays. Then I wanted to be an artist. Because I had a love-hate relationship about being a teacher, I wondered "why not be an art teacher?" Then I soon realized I wanted to be a graphic designer.
My friend showed me a new world of art. Computer Graphics. What I loved about digital art for a couple of reasons. One, because it was easier. It was never been so easy to erase a mistake. Boy, I wish life had an undo button. I, myself, in my oil paintings or in any medium I used I would try to make my paintings "perfect" and it was so hard for me to erase mistakes especially in oil. In digital I didn't need to worry about making it perfectly exact to the reference I was using because I wasn't using any references. I loved collaging pictures that I liked worked together to make one piece of art. Another reason is because Computer Graphics is up to date. Our world advances each and every day. From fashion to the iphone. If fashion didn't advance, we probably would be wearing tunics and what cavemen and women considered fashionable. Steve jobs didn't stop with just the iPhone, he advanced it until he had an application for everything. Being technologically advanced is so important, so why not be advance in art to. Someday or another artist are soon to advance to the computer, why not start now? I also love working with tradition medium. I love working with oil, pastel, and film whether it's digitally or working in the dark room.
I also not only love visual arts, but I also have the mind. Even though I don't have the smartest brain to get the highest scores on the SAT or get the class assignments right away but, I think differently. During the early summer of Jr. High many reckless kids who wrote bomb threats throughout the school. We had to evacuate the school multiple times. Annoyed by the hot weather, the teachers decided to evacuate to the High School rather than sitting outside on the field. As I was walking to the High School with a group of friends, we were talking about the bomb and then I asked "what if the bomber wanted us to go here?" My friends gave me daggers and said never ask that again. I soon realized two things, I wanted to become a graphic artist and that thinking differently will help me with my Art.
Word Count: 521. Oh no! Help please !
Delete were in the following sentence:
As children we were all came across the question "what do you want to be when you grow up?"
But I didn't think that it would be fun grading tests , checking homework or maybe not being a student's favorite teacher and definitely reading essays.
It had never been so easy to erase a mistake.
Our world advances each and every day; From fashion to the iphone.
Being technologically advanced is so important, so why not be advanced in art too?
This is a sentence fragment, revise:
During the early summer of Jr. High many reckless kids who wrote bomb threats throughout the school.
