Hi everyone,
For the personal essay of the common app, I chose to write about a topic of my choice. It is about an extracurricular activity that shows aspects of my character and has an impact on what I want to do in the future.
Please tell me what you honestly think of it. Also, if you could point out any grammar errors that would be great.
Any suggestions are appreciated.
Thanks!
Tables stretched from one end of the gym to the other like a contorted bazaar of extracurricular activities, teeming with freshmen wondering what clubs to be involved in for the next four years. I was in those wary freshman shoes, wandering through the colorful and animated booths of many interesting organizations. A particularly large crowd at the debate club table caught my eye. When I got closer, I made out two people fervently arguing about an environmental issue. Everyone's eyes and ears were fixated on the ongoing debate and I immediately felt a fiery urge to passionately give my opinion on the issue. Right then and there, I knew that my bewildered search for a club to call my own had ended.
Freshman year, I absorbed as much as I could about the world of high school congressional debate from the leaders of our team. The seniors in my club were my role models and under their guidance, I was able to participate right away. I defended my stance on lifting the Cuban Embargo, questioned oil drilling in Alaska and stood my ground on the issue of Animal testing. The debate team was very active and close-knit. I developed a passion for debate and the socioeconomic issues that underlay in society.
In the following year, after all the seniors had graduated, our membership was cut in half. Our leadership vanished and those who remained were all out of steam. I couldn't watch the team fall apart, so I stepped forward. One day after an unproductive practice in which my peers complained about the ongoing problems, I decided to give a much-needed pep talk to the team. Standing on the stage that once belonged to the greatest debaters of our school's history, I urged, "We need to keep doing what we love, debating. Everything else will follow."
Gradually, the mindset of all the members came back and reignited the zeal of the club. I remembered that it was not the colorful posters and baked goods but the illuminating debates that drew me to the club. In my senior year, I became co-president of the team. During my orientation speech that year, I was awed to see almost sixty interested students and realized the importance of how voice speaks louder than words.
My experience with the debate team is a microcosm of the professional life goals I hope to seek. The practice of debate and my desire to combine service with leadership have inspired me to work for Congress. As a Political Science major in college, I want to from the best experts and educators and extend my studies beyond the classroom into the realms of real politics and government. The experiences I had throughout high school led me to realize the dreams of my future and I hope use my perspicacity from the debate team to make them a reality.
I liked reading your essay, but instead of mentioning things like "I did this, I'm going to do this, I hope" use like a imagery to explain them. "SHOW DON'T TELL"
