Hello,
Ok i have a lot of trouble writing essays for some reason. I can't seem to out together and organize my thoughts :/ also, I have really bad grammer skills. Please give me some feedback and how I make myself sound. Thank you!
Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
I have always considered myself to be extremely fortunate. I'm thankful to have a hardworking, loving mother who sacrificed herself to give me the gift of an opportunity to an extravagant future. In thought of renovation, she made the critical decision to leave our native third-world country, Colombia, to come to the United Sates for a better life. Since then, unemployment and economic struggles have landed in our path. As an immigrant and single-mother, she has had to work with great diligence to raise and provide for her and me. However, apart from these struggles, we have been tremendously blessed, as there has never been a day that we haven't had food on the table or clothing to wear. I revere my mom for her sagacious actions. Although we live with a deficiency of material things, we have managed to live a happy, hopeful life together. These economical circumstances and struggles in my family have developed my desires to become a prominent leader in society. Through success, I'll be able to provide my children with an even better life, as my mom tried to do for me. I'll be able to give back to, not only my mom, but all the other people whom have picked me up off the dirty ground. Having to work at an early age has taught me responsibility, independence and great appreciation towards life. My eyes have been open to the great blessings I have.
As an only-child, I learned to appreciate company to a great extent. I acquired amicable social skills and managed to make great friendships with people. Experiences with people have given me hope and faith in humanity, that there are others like me with the same pure and humble heart, which has led me to my passion of helping others, just as others have helped me. Living in Miami has introduced me to a vast amount of diversity in people and cultures, therefore, has founded my open-minded and non-judgmental qualities. Adversity in my school has further motivated me to make something of myself. Time and life is very precious and people should make the most of the world. Likewise, living in Miami has given me the opportunity to discover my love for nature. Having the beach a few miles away has been a blessing all these years. I can't accentuate enough the feeling of peace and serenity I get when I'm surrounded by the paradise of nature. With the beautiful ocean waters shouting at me to be productive and the sun brightening up my every move, I have decided to focus my future to, not only travelling to enjoy nature, but protecting and conserving it for humanity.
Knowledge is my priority. My goals are to receive a higher education in the University of California and use it to become an outstanding leader in the field of Environmental Engineering for the conservation of the planet. In doing so, I will satisfy my desire to help other people and myself. My past has taught me how to appreciate every single blessing that comes towards me. Furthermore, it has helped me develop my aspirations of personal and universal success.
Wow....u totally blew me away with this essay...it is great. There was alot of things I learned about just by reading this essay. You definitely answered what the prompt is asking for. You also got good vocabulary and sentence variety in it. Your grammer is not that bad. Overall, I think you wrote an essay that an admission officer would enjoy reading. But...dont take my word for it. hopefully, others will read yours and contribute. Good luck and best wishes!!!
"As an immigrant and single-mother, she has had to work with great diligence to raise and provide for her and me. "
This sentence was a bit iffy for me. Maybe it would be better to word it like : "As an immigrant and single-mother, she had to work with great diligence to raise and provide for the both of us. " Just a suggestion, though :)
"However, apart from these struggles, we have been tremendously blessed, as there has never been a day that we haven't had food on the table or clothing to wear." maybe can be worded like "Despite our struggles, I believe that we are tremendously blessed. There has never been a day when we did not have food on the table or clothing to wear."
These are only suggestions! You should listen to people's suggestions, but only change you essay if you like them. You don't have to listen to me if you don't like them :)
