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Recommend change to our next president - Penn State #3 Essay


jusanglee91 5 / -  
Oct 29, 2008   #1
Please give me suggestions and advice on this piece.

Topic: The country will see a new president elected this year, with "change" the document theme from both candidates for the nation's top office. Regardless of your political preferences, what one change would you recommend to our next president, if you had a one-on-one audience with him shortly after his election?

I just cannot wait till I get home and turn on the computer to see the result and when I have time in school, I always get online and see where it stands. It is the economy that I am concerned with. Right now, we are seeing the downfall of the economy. Bank failures, bankruptcies, and rising fuel costs are keeping us awake in the night. I will ask for a stronger and more stable economy to the next U.S. president because we are on the brink of another great depression.

It fell 777.68 points on September 29, 2008, the biggest downfall in US history. This has grabbed my attention since. Then on October 15, 2008, it plunged as much as 733.08 points, the second largest loss in history. On October 25, 2008, it is calculated that it has fallen 5,785.58 points, or 41% just in one year and it still is continuing the down slope. I was just stunned looking at the graph falling and falling. It is the Dow Jones Industrial Average or commonly known as DJIA. DJIA, founded in 1884, is one of the most watched stock indexes in the world. It is created by Dow Jones & Company founder Charles Dow. It basically provides a signal of how specific markets perform each day, so if the DJIA graph has negative slope, we can easily figure out that the economy is doing poorly.

On September 14, 2008, I heard my friends and teachers saying "biggest bankruptcy in history," so I grabbed a newspaper and I noticed that Lehmann Brothers had filed chapter 11 and Merrill Lynch had sold itself to Bank of America for roughly 50 billion dollars. It was the most tragic day in Wall Street's history. Two biggest financial and investment services in America crashed. It was then when I found out that our economy is in great danger. Lots of other financial and insurance companies were also being acquired by larger companies. Countrywide financial company was acquired by Bank of America, American International Group was acquired by the US government, and JPMorgan Chase acquired Washington Mutual. Not only the banks have filed chapter 11, but also the airlines have filed bankruptcies and have discontinued all operations.

At the end of my junior year, the newspapers and internet was full of stories of bankruptcy. It was the airlines filing chapter 11. ATA airlines, Aloha airlines, and Skybus filed bankruptcies and discontinued all operation and Frontier airlines filed bankruptcy protection. The most stunning part for me was that it all happened in just two weeks. In the summer of 2008, the jet fuel price shot up and has concerned many companies and travelers. Thousands of flights were canceled each day and raised booking prices, checking bag prices, and food price and I believe that this is all due to poor economy.

This nation and this whole world need help. This is a global economy crisis. I know that it will take time for the economy to get back on track, so I would like to ask the new president to start as soon as possible to build a better economy. This is not only my voice, but the voice of the nation and the voice of the world.
EF_Team5 - / 1,586  
Oct 29, 2008   #2
Good evening.

My first concern with this essay is that of missing citation. You have quite a few statistics in this piece, but where did they come from? Make sure you are properly citing this statistical information to make your essay more credible.

My second concern is that there doesn't seem to be a question here. You are obviously concerned about the economy, but what is the question you would ask the new president? The prompt asks you for a question, so make sure you acknowledge that request.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com


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