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Recount a time when something really made you laugh. Smith and Colgate University supplemental

AmbigaY 1 / 2  
Dec 7, 2016   #1
Smith College- We know that colleges ask a lot of hard questions on their applications. This one is not so hard and we promise, there is no hidden agenda - just have fun! We have all heard the saying "laughter is the best medicine." Recount a time when something really made you laugh. (200 word limit)

After a couple of glasses of whisky, grandpa was drunk, and he was surely not in a state to attend the after-dinner show. Minutes later, everyone agreed that he should be going get some rest, and as usual, I was the one to drop him by his room. Just out of the restaurant, I made the terrible mistake of letting go off his hands. While I was trying to tie my shoe laces, instead of waiting for me, grandpa, despite his poor vision and the fact that it was dark outside, continued to walk. And suddenly, "BLOOP! PLOSHHH! ", there he went, unexpectedly stepping, and diving headfirst into the fish pond and he soon started to flail all the way through, while screaming for help. Everyone from the outdoor restaurant had stood up to see what was happening and few others and I, were rushing to help him. Eventually, he was successfully pulled out, but his brand new suit was ruined by the muddy water, his glasses were still nowhere to be found and I couldn't stop laughing at him. The following day, we came across so many people who cautiously advised grandpa to stay away from the fish pond.

Is it really funny, can u guys help me make it more funny pls?

I wanted to change the conclusion by showing how I can bring holi to colgate. can u guys help me with building the conclusion? Any request warmly welcomed pls

With anticipated thanks

Holt - / 7,546 2001  
Dec 7, 2016   #2
Ambigay, I hope you will take what I have to say as constructive criticism for both essays. These will just be my opinion of your work and you can either use my advice or wait for some advice that you will feel more comfortable using from the other contributors here. Either way is fine with me. So for the first one...

1. I did not really find the scene funny because it sounds like something straight out of a comedy film instead of something that happened to you in real life. I am not accusing you of copying any movie. Don't get me wrong. It is just that the scenario is so formulaic when it comes to "drunk person" stories that it doesn't come across as funny anymore. Or maybe I am just jaded in terms of comedy films since those are some of my favorites. The best comedy presentation for this type of essay is usually one that happens to yourself. The point of the essay is to show the reviewer that you have a sense of humor, most specially when it comes to yourself. If you know how to laugh at yourself, then that shows that you have an even personality that knows how to make light of potentially difficult or embarrassing situations as they might occur to you while in college. Perhaps there is something funny that happened to you where you found yourself laughing at yourself?

2. The Festival of Colors is a great contribution to the Colgate campus community. However, I find myself confused as to the relevance of the festival beyond being just a day to have fun and enjoy oneself. Since the reviewer will not have a background in the festival, it would really help if you provide a short explanation about the relevance, objective, or traditional importance of the day of celebration to the reviewer. The conclusion sounds good at this point. Enticing the student body to help you celebrate sounds like something that would be a great conclusion to the essay. Don't change the festival, just explain a bit about its background and it will be ready for use. Offering the background will make your concluding statement relevant and self explanatory to the reader.
Amatis250 3 / 5  
Dec 7, 2016   #3
Nice essays AmbigaY!!For the first essay, I think it is not simple to tell that story in only 200 words but I think before telling the funny story about the grandpa you may first describe his maturity to make the story more unusual. And if you've got much time think writing a story more funny to the reader than you.

For the second essay I like the way the story is progressing and the conclusion is well too

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