Prompt:Please elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences
My decision to volunteer with the Red Cross last year helped me make a huge step towards my goals in the medical profession. For some reason, I had never saw the Red Cross as an organization that would accept high school volunteers, but when I discovered that it did, I was ecstatic. On my first day, I was immediately greeted with smiling faces and welcoming arms, as a new volunteer ready for work seemed to remind them of Christmas morning. I didn't get the chance to work directly with the taking of blood because of my lack of training but I found comfort in the environment and initiative that the Red Cross had in place. Their mission is simply to alleviate human suffering in the face of disaster, much of which involves blood donors. Through the Red Cross, I felt as if I was able to be a part of something greater that has the capacity to help people around the world. I felt connected to different kinds of pains that were felt around the world and giving my time to this organization was my way of letting these people know that I was there for them in this time of struggle. I hope to continue to devote my time to the Red Cross, because the mission that they wish to accomplish is of great importance in the world and I want to continue to help others in any way that I can.
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I enjoyed reading this short essay, and I think admissions counselors will as well. However, the introduction to your essay is fairly generic. Perhaps you could begin by opening with some specific anecdote or even commentary about the mission of the Red Cross. From there, you could bring it more specifically to your experience.
The last thing you want to do is bore an admissions counselor. And while your essay is definitely not boring, the introduction may cause the reader to lose interest before getting to the bulk of the essay. This shouldn't be too hard to fix, and I think your essay will be very strong once it is done.
Please elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences
Whenever a school wants to know more about one of your activities or work experience, they want to know what were some things that you took away from the experience. How did you grow from the experience? What did you learn? Stating that this experience made you feel good, doesn't really allow the adcom to learn how the experience really impacted your life for better or worse. - Admissions Advice Online
Lauren, surely you had many learning experiences while volunteering at the Red Cross. It would be in the best interest of your essay to tell the admissions officer about the participation that you had in the organization, regardless of how minimal or irrelevant you might think it is. That is because the essay is asking you to tell them exactly what you did during this extra curricular activity. If you feel that the Red Cross participation that you had is not something that is impressive enough, then try to think of another extra curricular activity that you feel will present you in a very positive light to the admissions officer You don't have to stick to the Red Cross activity if you feel that you do not have adequate participation in the organization as a volunteer. Feel free to ask if you have any questions about the essay. We will try to help you sort it out :-)
I rewrote it using a different extra-curricular activity!!! It would be great if you could revise this one as well :-) Thanks for all of your helP!
Since my eighth grade year, I knew I wanted to become involved in the yearbook program. I would constantly thumb through the yearbooks my older brother accumulated on his shelves as if they were national magazines. Being able to express myself in that way excited me. I had done my best to volunteer for photo assignments and help out with designing pages my freshman year, in an effort to establish myself as a leader in the program. The class was like a job, but one of the funnest jobs you could ever have. By my sophomore year, I had been nominated as the photography editor, a position in which I remained for the following three years. This position left me feeling endlessly rewarded, as my skill as a photographer continually improved with every single frame that I shot. My participation led me to a passion for photography, as well as an outlet for me to become more outgoing. I went to almost every sporting event and every club meeting that the school had, which allowed me to continually interact with people in all facets of the school. I became a regular at all of these events, and even though I was in the background, I was constantly stepping off to the side to interview players or club members in the heat of the moment. Participating in yearbook changed me, but in the best possible way, and I hope to carry that into the person I become at Washington and Lee University.
Lauren, this is a very good essay. It clearly shows the participation that you had in the activity and the kind of personality development that arose from it. As an extra curricular activity, it certainly portrays your willingness to work with a group and the ability to interact with people on various levels. In my opinion, you were able to present yourself in the exact manner that the prompt requires and I believe that it will be an asset to your application. That said, I do not think that you need to mention wanting to continue such activities at Washington and Lee mainly because the prompt is not asking for such a response. It only wants you to relate the story of your activity. One of the rules of common app writing is to just answer the questions being asked and try to avoid too much information. In this case, the reference to activities at the university becomes irrelevant to your response :-)
