This is my why Mac essay, I do not know if it is sincere and specific enough? Please help me. Grammar correction is also appreciated.
Prompt: What factors have led you to consider Macalester College? Why do you believe it may be a good match and what do you believe you can add to the Mac community, academically and personally? Feel free to draw on past experiences, and use concrete examples to support your perspective.
At first, Macalester College was not in my colleges list. Like most other Chinese applicants, I put much emphasis on universities in the west and east coasts of the United States believing that good locations of colleges matter a lot. It was then that I stumbled upon the Macalester; a college that changed my stereotype.
My first impression of Mac came from the red shield logo. When I first saw it in the website, the color and style of the logo reminded me of the delicate Chinese Knot and gave me a kind of cordial feeling. The highly individual logo triggered my desire to explore more about Mac. Before long I declared that I would go to Macalester College no matter how cold or remote it seemed to be (I love snow anyway).
As a person who have never been abroad before, I longing for broader perspectives and richer experience outside my circle. Reared in a small village in China, I have never stopped searching for more diverse communities since I believe associating with people of different ideas, traditions, religions and values is a precious experience. I kept moving to those places ever since I learned in a small village's elementary school. Through my constant efforts and strive, I am now at a high school in a big city with much a more diverse atmosphere. After meeting different people with distinctive background and perspectives and after benefiting from those interactions both academically and socially, I feel strongly that I need to further achieve my potential on a wider scope, thus Mac's emphasis on internationalism and multiculturalism is exactly what I need.
I hope to pursue my career in environmental science. Mac's dedication to sustainability and strength on environmental studies are another reason why I choose Mac. I am fascinated by its integrated and first-hand approach to environmental studies. Through diverse outdoor learning opportunities and field-based modules integrated into courses in both Katharine Ordway Natural History Study Area and Three River Center, I will develop myself into a qualified environmentalist, who need not only obtain knowledge from textbooks and class but from practical work and personal explorations.
On the other hand, I am attracted to school's commitment to addressing climate change. In such environment, I can make my own contributions to and obtain many professional skills from various projects and activities related to this noble career. The experiences will be especially enlightening and meaningful for me because of the internationalism in Mac. Environmental problem is never something local or regional. It involves different aspects that are related to the whole planet. In this sense, studying and exploring the environmental problem with global perspectives are indispensible.
I am also eager to be involved in Macalester community. Environmentalist, as I perceive it, should contribute time and energy to the society and help build a better world (the ideas came from the very beginning when I hoped to cure that polluted river near my house). Thus, Mac's student group, The Macalester Conservation and Renewable Energy Society, suits me perfectly. I believe I can fully engage myself in working experiences and volunteer activities of MacCARES, a perfect match of my personal interest and future ambition. Although my original good impression of Macalester College came from just the school logo, my intuition proved to be right after my future research. I hope to live my four years' college life in Macalester College and add my own strand to the fabric of the Macalester community in that forward-looking and open red shield.
I think your essay might be better if you left out the first paragraph. Try reading it from paragraph 2, and see what you think.
As a person who has never been abroad before, I long
ing for broader perspectives
I kept moving to those places ever since I learned in a small village's elementary school.This isn't clear. Should it say,..since I learned "about them" in a...
Through my constant efforts and striving , I am now ...
On the other hand,I am also attracted to school's commitment to addressing climate change...
...environmental problem with global perspectives are indispensable .
...activities of MacCARES, a perfect match of my personal interests and
future ambitions .
... came from just the school logo, my intuition proved to be right after my
Thank you Susan, I appreciate your work very much. Wish you a happy new year.
What is other comments? Anyone else? Please help!!!!!
The highly individual logo triggered my desire to explore more about Mac. Before long I declared that I would go to Macalester College no matter how cold or remote it seemed to be (I love snow anyway).
联想到 中国结， wow, innovative!
Here I suggest you put more transition till comes to I declared that I would go to Mac. Triggered your desire is not enough for you to decide to apply, put more, summary is enough, what you learned from website.
Also, "Reared in a small village in China". Don't even see this word in SAT, Reared, I checked, seems more related to non-human : to breed and raise (an animal) for use or market . use normal word would be better. also, I suggest you directly say grow up, which shows you are strive to grow yourself, not the 花朵 in 温室。
Anyway, it's good.
Good to see my country cousins here, we can learn each other more. Q 304682885
Nice to meet you!
Your name must be 丁** :-)
Thank you for your constructive comment. You must be a very helpful person since you have posted 12 posts to help others' essays but posted no threads yourself. 敬仰中...
I will contact you using QQ very soon.
By the way, I wonder could you help me with my other essays? (if yes, please see those posted after January 7, 2010 since other essays have been submitted.)
Thanks a lot!