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'Red track and white lines simplify my world. I love running'. Admission Essay


zhanglunke 2 / 7  
Nov 17, 2012   #1
Prompt:
Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

Red track and white lines simplify my world. I love running.
The happiest and the most excruciating activity is to be a part of track and field. I am certainly no Usain Bolt, but I have never been afraid of practice. I was always an 800-meter-runner at meets when I was in middle school. I was not the fastest one, but when the teacher tried to seek volunteers, everybody was afraid of the distance. I volunteered every time, even if I was the last one running across the line.

My first meet of last year in Romeo High School was the hardest one. However, it steadfasted my determination of running. The temperature was about 30 degrees Fahrenheit that day and we were in shorts and tank tops. Two miles. Eight rounds. It seemed like the distance between China and Michigan. Freezing wind. Piercing cold. My face felt like cutting by a knife. Unquenchable desires to surrender eventually broke into pieces under my feet. I did not sweat after running but the warmth quickly spread all over my body.

Running is an extreme sport for me, but when I approach my limits or beyond, I am able to experience not only physical but also mental strength. Never be afraid of taking challenges, because courage and endurance will take you far in your life, whereas hesitation and surrender will only leave you in situ.

The track season is over now, but my own race is just beginning. Running trained me to be the competitor I am who is always determined to take challenges in life and always finish the race.
thenabforlife - / 1 3  
Nov 18, 2012   #2
Sorry for the double post but I can't seem to edit my first post for some reason.

A couple things I missed were you could change running across the finish line to crossing the finish line.

Also, in the last paragraph, my limits or beyond could be changed to my limits and beyond or you could also take the beyond part out and just keep limits. Finally, To never be afraid of facing challenges should not have a comma after it.
dumi 1 / 6,927 1592  
Nov 19, 2012   #3
Red track and white lines simplify my world. I love running.

awesome : )

I am certainly no Usain Bolt, but I have never been afraid of practice.

.... well... these two ideas do not seem to be complementing one another. My suggestion;
I am certainly no Usain Bolt; not even near. But may be he and I share the same passion for running
Why I suggested this is, when you suddenly talk about practice the reader would wonder how to relate it to Usain. : )

I volunteered every time, even if I was the last one running across the line.

----- this endorses your passion for running and therefore goes well with what I suggested above : )

Two miles; Eight rounds

------ change the punctuation!

Freezing wind; Piercing cold.

"Never be afraid of taking challenges, because courage and endurance will take you far in your life, whereas hesitation and surrender will only leave you in situ".

Add this:These words echo in my ears all the time.

The track season is over now, but my own race is just beginning

... : )

I have to say this - You are a very creative person and I love your style of writing. Hope you would become a contributor and join our community to help others : )
OP zhanglunke 2 / 7  
Nov 20, 2012   #4
Thanks Dumi... You are a very nice person.. I saw you help a lot of people with their essays.. Recently I just registered on this website, and I will continue using it. I will work hard on my writing skills and hopefully one day I will be able to give people some helpful comments.:) thanks again for your encouragement.


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