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"Reflected, shown, and illuminated" - Vires, Artes, Mores FSU Essay

srk99 1 / -  
Jan 16, 2011   #1
Here is my FSU Essay. Hopefully it is unique and a riveting read.

I give Vires through my actions, I give Artes through my writings, and I give Mores through my thoughts. But out of the three none could illume ever more robust in my life than Vires and Artes displaying Mores. "I am a man of morals..." and the ascetic individual who ever stated such words is as much a liar as Richard Nixon. But the strife for moral achievement highlights the strength of Vires in moral endeavors and Artes in the expression of moral character, incorporated within the chaotic story of love and ambivalent depravity.

"Blushing is the color of virtue." If true, I should be a saint with not a sin ever committed, and my life plastered and framed with all who collapsed in a state of heated pink cheeks. Blushing shows no virtue. For I blushed for a woman who I could not touch or see, for I had a lover who's heart I could not love, yet I blushed and shone red. Behind my lovers back I hid, and behind my lovers back I loved a woman without ever seeking so. With a resist of all temptation, the resist of ever swinging a touch, stealing a word, or even swaying any charm dormant in a man's heart. For strength of virtue I stayed faithful, but I blushed with shame and deceit. I faced one and veiled lies, faced the other and failed the test of eyes. My "morality" plunging but for the sake of one's heart. Blushing is the color of virtue? More of test of virtue, where I in point, aspired to stay moral and ultimately gained strength of character at the cost of one's heart, but passionately never stayed moral; for I lied, committed sins, for the sake of love.

"Fill your paper with the breathings of your heart." So I did, for the sake of theater and moral strive. Catholics leap to priest to be forgiven for their sins committed, and I hurdled towards a greater power. To the power of single individual men, priests acquired the capabilities to listen and forgive from the shoulder of God. Then in tack, if individuals placed this power then the whole audience must conduct so much more? Before the very eyes of people I pleaded my deceit, my slow tormenting depravity of all my actions, writings, and thoughts. My evils became my art, in the expression of moral character, represented and reflected for all to see, and for me to forever live with. I presumed the purist of a high intellect from the root of my ways, from the ground mother of theater to absolve salvation of my moral standing.

Reflected, shown, and overall illuminated are the concepts of Vires, Artes, and Mores embedded into my life's standing. From the strength gained of pursuing to keeping moral and character in place, and the illusion of pursing higher intellect for the sake of cleansing, I truly embodied FSU's guiding philosophy.

Joshua Neisloss

EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
Jan 20, 2011   #2
But out of the three none could illume ever more robust in my life than Vires and Artes displaying Mores.

This seems to mean that nothing could be more virtuous than someone demonstrating morality through strength and art? But to "illume robust" does not seem to make sense.

And if the indigent use these words, they are a liar.. like Clinton?

who' s whose

Congratulations on being a word artist. You are one of those wordsmiths who can appreciate good rhythm and imagery in writing. There are some lessons to be learned along the way, and one of them is a lesson about structure. Good writers hate hearing about structure, because they just want to let that sacred content flow from wherever it flows from, but the trick is like this:

Let it flow onto the screen, as you did, but then go back and add sentences that artfully clarify.
Go back and add sentences that artfully explain ambiguous terms (for example, how are you using he word "allude" here?)

Add sentences of clarification, and you will have a good balance of abstraction and clarity. If you use words and phrases that are subject to varying interpretation, you always will lose the reader's attention.

For example, after that first sentence of the essay, I am waiting for you to explain the three relationships. Instead of explaining them, you hit me with another thing I don't know how to interpret: " the indigent who ever stated such words is as much a liar as Bill Clinton.:---At this point, i am not sure what to make of the 3 relationships from the first sentence, and then I am also waiting to find out the significance of this mention of Clinton.

See, the writing has to be tight in order to create a powerful experience for the reader. Google this proprioceptive writing
Then, compare PW with writing that takes the reader on an intense trip. The intense trip is only possible when the abstract is balanced against the concrete and only when readers are able to feel confident that they are interpreting each line correctly.

And you can't leave any loose ends, like mentioning Clinton as a random example of a liar and then never building on that. For intense writing, proceed as though you are stacking sentences carefully on top of one another, painstakingly guiding the reader's thought process so that she goes deeper into thought with every sentence.

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