Reflective Essay that tells a story of who you

from FI Syllabus): a reflective and/or experiential narrative that may incorporate observational evidence (3 pages, or 750-1000 words)
Tell the story of who you are, what has had an effect on you, perhaps something that has changed the way you think about yourself or others - or given you an insight or understanding that you didn't have before.

Your paper should explore your thinking in a narrative framework, which means that your paper is also a story that takes place over time and employs the concept of chronology to lead readers through your experience. The paper should do more than tell your story; it should also be "reflective," which means that you will be writing about what the story meant/means to you - and the process by which that story came to have that meaning - and ultimately, what readers of your "story about a story" can learn from reading your paper that can have relevance for all of us

Sorry for grammer errors due by midnight in hurry.
I feel really stuck with essay.
I feel like it describes an experience throughout my life, but I feel like I did a terrible job.
Opinions on essay mainly worried about 4th paragraph and under unsure how to sum it up main points

Family and friends

I act different when I'm around family verse friends(I mean extremely different) I try to keep this separation thought my life because if they mix I feee like my life will be over because family personality is shy awkward weird compare to friends side

The bullet grazed his face as he walked past the corridor. He thought his disquise was flawless, but he made one fatal error. He trusted his...." The Tv shut off and my mom was standing right behind me. If any of you ever woke up your parents at 12 am at night on a worknight, you can take a pretty good guesse what happened next. Trust me, it wasen't pretty.

Growing up, I loved watching spy movies JAmes Bond, Detecive gadet, Broune series and more. The ideas of spy always fascinated me. They could be your teacher, neighbor or your friend. You might think that you knew them, but you only knew what they wanted you to know. Spies could be whoever they wanted and they always beat the bad guy. I guesse; I liked spies so much as a kid because I wanted to have two different lives. I wanted to be perceived as one thing, but in reality I was complely differnt. I wanted to be a spy. You know what they say? Be careful what you wish for because it might come true?

It wasen't until 7th grade of middle school until I relaized that I was a spy. It was my best friend at the time Ryan, who made me realize it.First of all, 7th grade was the time of change for a lot of people because it was that awkard phase of puberty. Your unsure if you like girls, you have hair growing everywhere, and the worst part was the school sex talks. I was no different. It was around spring break time when I was hanging out with Ryan. We normally hang out a few times a week, but a common trend was appearing. I tended to hang out at Ryans house more often than mine until we stopped hanging out at mine all together. I remember asking him why. Ryan said," Everytime, We hangout at your house; you go quite. You also act very different too" This was the first time that I realized this. At the time, I though nothing of it and I thought that he was just imagining things.

Fast foward to the end of 7th grade, this trend only got worse. Ryan was not wrong, but he was right. I started to pay attention to this and this theme was the same with my other friends. It didn't only get worse, but my life was slowly diverging into two differnt paths. My family life versus my school life. My family life was much different now. I would say that I was studying, so I wouldn't have to talk to my family most of the time. When dinner came, I would just sit their and say one word repsones like yeah or no because I didn't want to talk.This didn't seem like a porblem to me at the time. I've had friends, who didn't even eat dinner witheir parents, let or alone talk to them. It was only until my life sarted falling off a cliff that I relized this was a problem.

8th grade to sophmore year of highschool was probally the worst time in my life. I lost all my friends, my grades plummed, I quit basketball, and I lacked any motivation.The thing about being a spy that sucks is sometimes you get lost in your character. You forget the character your suppose to play is not really who you are. My two lives felt like one now. In school, I would keep my head down and avoid eye contact the teacher wouldn't call on me. When we had a group project, I would get angry becuase I would rather just work by myself. I remember one weekend night my father came down to talk to me. He said,"I know something is up. You never hang out with your friends anymore. You never even talk to us anymore. Whats going on". I said one thing,"I don't want talk about". In my head, I was thinking,"I'm like this because of you. I'm here because my family persona took over." This persona made me awkard, quit, lazy, and all the the things in my life were going wrong because of my familly. This was my resolve; I blamed my family.

After those years, my other persona returned. After my life reutrn to normal, I went back to my old ways. For the rest of high school, I basically kept this divide between my two lives stable. I feared that family perosnality side of my life and rejoiced over my life without them. I really didn't understand what these two lives were until I finished highschool.

Truthly, I wasen't a spy or lived two lives, but I made excuses. I made a big excuse to deal with my problems. The thing that I feared most was myself. I didn't want to take the time to deal with my socia, acedemic, or flaws in generals, so I created a scapegoat. A scape goat which was my family. I lost countless years that I could of spent with my family and wasted. I avoided major issues in my life witohut even thinking about it. Currently, I'm not a spy, but I'm Nathan Lieu. I have one life and I'm trying my best to make up for lost time. I still hesitate when I'm with my family and I'm still pretty quite with them, but it's a process. It's something that took years to create and it could take years to fix.

Nathan, there is no catalyst nor reason for your story. At first, I thought this was a gender coming out story from the way that you presented certain aspects in relation to your relationship with your best friend and your family. Then it turns out it wasn't that at all. There is a lack of focus and direction in your story. You need to create an outline before you can finalize this essay. What is the point of your story? What are you trying to say? What are you trying to prove? List those down first. Then reflect on how your life events relate to those points. Figure out the highlights related to the topics you want to discuss then draft the essay. You don't have to use time markers like 7th grade or 8th grade. Just make sure that the flow of your story can be followed and understood. Chronological doesn't mean you need to count it down. Just that you have to make sure that the stories flow and transition into each section of the presentation in a smooth manner. Right now, the is sloppy, haphazard, choppy, and extremely difficult to follow. You need to rethink your topic. Make sure that you can discuss both sides in a connected manner rather than jumping around from scene to scene or grade to grade.