Prompt: Members of the Caltech community live, learn, and work within an Honor System with one simple guideline; 'No member shall take unfair advantage of any other member of the Caltech community.' While seemingly simple, questions of ethics, honesty and integrity are sometimes puzzling. Share a difficult situation that has challenged you. What was your response, and how did you arrive at a solution?
Let me know what you think about the essay, harsh and brutal honesty will be appreciated. Ways of altering the essay to make it look better would also be appreciated. Thanks in advance!!!!!!!
During my high school senior years, our school held a science exhibition in which we were told that we would be given grades based on the models we displayed. We were instructed to present models which reflected what we had studied over the years.
Scared of losing marks, many of my friends bought models that had been made either by an elder or an expert. These models were relatively too good for a student of our standard. Thus, many of my friends knew nothing about their model apart from its function.
Seeing their models, I also wanted to buy one. But, my teachers words echoed in my mind 'a project reflecting what YOU have learnt'. I sat down and started 'reflecting' about my classes. Although I ended up making only a 'automatic night lamp', I knew all everything I had to know.
The expo came. I was scared to present my model because of its simplicity, but I displayed it nonetheless. When teachers walked around asking questions regarding our models, most of the friends were left speechless. However, I confidently answered those queries asked of me. When the marks were reported, I had aced while my friends were left dumbfounded.
Your response is fairly good and the topic you chose reflects what the prompt is asking. One thing you can do however, is to change some of the words you used. There are also some minor grammar mistakes.
'a project reflecting what YOU have learnt ' what YOU have *learned
I was scared to present my model because of its simplicity, but I displayed it nonetheless *but displayed it nonetheless
When teachers walked around asking questions regarding our models, most of the friends were left speechless. *you should add My
You also shouldn't use too many ' seeing as how it isn't needed
Tendor, in order to complete your story, don't just tell us the result of your actions and choices. In order to accurately show us how your embodiment of the Caltech Honor Code paid off for for you in this statement, you should also indicate the kinds of grades that your classmates got from the teachers. I am sure that they were graded fairly as well for their "efforts' and that you came out on top in this case. So drive that point home through a presentation of the repercussions for your friends and classmates. Aside from that, I have some grammar considerations for you as well:
During my high school senior years SENIOR YEAR OF HIGH SCHOOL, our school held a science exhibition in which . w We were told that we would be given grades based on the models we displayed.
Scared of losing marks POINTS,
These models were relatively too good for a student of our standard LEARNING AND ABILITIES.
my friends knew nothing about their modelS apart from its function.
Seeing their models, I FOUND MYSELF WANTING TO EMULATE THEM BY BUYING also wanted to buy one FOR MY PROJECT. But, HOWEVER, my teachers words echoed in my mind 'a project reflecting what YOU have learnt LEARNED'. I sat down and started 'reflecting' about ON WHAT i HAD LEARNED FROM my classes.
I knew all everything I had to know.
The DAY OF THE expo came. I was scared to present my model because of its simplicity, but I displayed PRESENTED it nonetheless. When THE teachers walked around asking questions regarding our THE models, most of the friends were left speechless UNABLE TO RESPOND SINCE THEY DID NOT ACTUALLY BUILD THEIR MODELS. However, I confidently answered those THE queries asked of me. When the marks GRADES were reported, I had aced THE EXHIBIT PRESENTATIION while my friends were left dumbfounded GOT LOWER GRADES, INDICATING THE GRADE THEY DESERVED FOR A PROJECT THEY DID NOT WORK ON THEMSELVES..
