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Regret Situation - taking the Writing Skill Test (WST)


KathyLala 20 / 116  
Sep 6, 2010   #1
Please help me revise this essay. Thanks
Topic: We have all walked away from situation in our lives-work, school, family matters that we have regretted. Have you ever walked away from a situation under less than ideal circumstances then later regretted your action? Discuss the situation, and then explain how you could have handled things differently.

Respond:

I have gone through many difficult experiences in my life, but these challenges came a great deal of learning. One difficulty I had was taking the Writing Skill Test (WST), a writing test that all undergraduates must pass. This is also my regret. If I had to go back and do it all over again, I would handle my test differently.

My parents always told me to finish four-year diploma, no matter how hard it is because based on their experiences, higher education will always benefit later in life. Immigrating to the United States when they reached at the end of the middle age, my parents didn't have a chance to go back to college. Therefore, the expectation for my successful future was their dream and obsession. I were pushed and---to success. However, studying under a lot pressure that made me so anxious; I kept failing the WST test several times and caused of delaying my school work. I told myself I couldn't afford to fail again because graduating from college was not only my fulfillment, but also it was my parent's dream. When all my earnest attempts failed, I decided to cheat on the test. I knew cheating was bad, but at the time, it seemed to be my only chance. I passed the test and graduated. I fulfilled my life dream and my parents' dream, but I wasn't ecstatic.

Later on in my life, I met many professional tests that were more challenge than the WST and I found myself more struggle with them than ever before. I have come to realize that I could cheat once but not for my whole life. Consequently, cheating was not a solution regardless of any under circumstance.

If I could can the past, I would do it all over again. I shouldn't have cheated on the test. It diminished my confidence, lowered my self-esteem, and lose my pride and dignity. Rather, I would make of an effort to pass the test honestly. I have come to realize that learning is along process of life, and diploma is not valuable when I haven't truly earned it.
Nnadozie 3 / 6  
Sep 6, 2010   #2
If I have to go back and do it all over again.
no matter how hard it was because based on their experiences...

I was pushed to success .
under a lot pressuremade me so anxious;

that were more challenging than the WST and I...

If I could retake the test...
and made me lose my pride and dignity
would make an effort
a long process in life
and a diploma.
Good choice of subject but please check your grammatical blunders. Great Job!!!
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Sep 8, 2010   #3
Therefore, the expectation for my successful future was their dream and obsession.

Interesting! I would like it if this sentence was closer to the beginning of the essay.

Do not say "I were pushed." "Were" is for plural, like we and they. They were pushed.
Use was.
I was pushed...

Also, near the beginning is this sentence:
My parents always told me to finish my four-year diploma no matter how hard it is, because based on their experiences, higher education will always benefit me later in life.--- Do you see the small changes I made?

When you talk about your parents' dream, put the apostrophe after the s as I did in this sentence.

If I could can change the past, I would do it all over again.

:-)
OP KathyLala 20 / 116  
Sep 8, 2010   #4
Thank you Kevin, I see some changes from your revise, but I question this one "My parents always told me to finish my four-year diploma no matter how hard it is". To me how hard it "is" is correct sentence rather than "how hard it was" because I'm mean present
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Sep 10, 2010   #5
To me how hard it "is" is correct sentence rather than "how hard it was" because I'm mean present

You are correct, but I am correct, too! This is a very interesting question.
I am talking about STYLE. Writing style....

People talk about "style" in writing when they want to talk about how to refine it and make it pleasant to read. I became very interested in style when I discovered how subtle and sophisticated it was, so I bought Strunk and White's The Elements of Style.

I became very interested in style when I discovered how subtle and sophisticated it is , so I bought Strunk and White's The Elements of Style.

I became very interested in style when I discovered how subtle and sophisticated it was , so I bought Strunk and White's The Elements of Style.

I became very interested (past tense) How it was (past tense)
As a matter of style, it is best to keep past tense with past tense.

BUT, you are not wrong. This is a subtlety of the English language and a common topic when discussing "style" -- keeping verb tense consistent.


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