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"REHARMONIZATION OF MY LIFE NOTES" Personal Statement For The Common Application

bishop00 2 / 1  
Nov 20, 2018   #1
Hi guys, I would like to share my personal statement here. I need to get feedback about the idea and please suggest if there is anything that can be edited.

Prompt: Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.


A year had passed away since I joined my new boarding school, the scene includes one of what I can consider life-changing moments. It's me, passing by the assembly room in my school, glimpsing those dusty black and white keys. I entered the room, cleaned my instrument and almost remembered my new jazz version of Amazing Grace. The one that includes getting me out of the expression "close but no cigar." I knew Instantly that I had the opportunity to do it in the past, though it was the paralyzing fear, the doubt of walking in the route that you made for yourself, just for you. It's me again, deciding not to wait in the line as many others do.

The setting holds one of my galvanizing decisions in life: one that includes the decision to rule my life as if I would play them in a piece of Jazz. I loved driving everything by the rules of it, adding that out of scale chord, sharpening that fifth or maybe flattening the ninth astonished me by how many possibilities can you really add up to any piece that would not be expected to sound that great, even if it was so simple that nothing could be added to it. I was first puzzled by how every individual chord sounded dissonant and not relieving to my ear, but I later realized that it would be so satisfying to play that G major chord with the flattened fifth and ninth going to the C minor chord rather than playing the G major chord without any alteration. The secret was to know where your destination is, and where you are sitting on right now, and upon these, you can decide the way you desire to get off the rules.

I have always tried executing the right decisions, the ones that might typically lead to a favoured destination and desirable outcomes to anyone, but I preferred mine to be with exceptional alteration. I remember when I tried to do it many times, and the dice were always loaded against me. The results were still not consonant to my ears; it was expected to happen as it happened to many of the successful people who started their own business or worked by themselves and experienced failure. It was evident for failure to occur because nobody has done it before, only you will furiously try your pristine route, and I learned how to take that risk from jazz.

A memory then called back in my mind. I did recognize that scene well. It's my failure in a Math quiz back in my preparatory stage. I was harmonizing that right-angled triangle with those borrowed chords, the trigonometric ones that I learned online, rather than the simple Pythagorean that could solve the problem just in a flash. According to the reality, these chords were not settled in my year's curriculum. I knew that well; my approach always tends to be the peculiar one. I wanted to translate these borrowed chords, the passing ones, and the 2-5-1 progression into the answer sheet, maybe added with an offbeat rhythm to feel the jazz thrill. The next day, the picture includes our math teacher challenging the students to solve a problem that includes a triangle with just one side and angle known. Surprisingly, jazz did it! It was the only which did so. Then, the teacher looked at the unique solution to the problem, he then stared and exclaimed "Now I knew why you failed yesterday," he said with a smirk. From that moment, I was one of that teacher's special students.

I really appreciate what that unique alteration allowed me to accomplish in my life, that feeling to be different and create your very own harmony in your life let me view myself as someone who is special by his life notes transcription.

Holt - / 7,546 2001  
Nov 21, 2018   #2
As far as story uniqueness goes, this is right at the top of that list. However, there is a lack of balance between your interest in jazz and its relevance to your math accomplishments. You need to balance the discussion, less jazz, more math. You may even want to consider revising the essay so that the importance of jazz to your math learning and accomplishments become the focus of the essay from the very start. Balancing it with the way a musician needs to hit every note at the right tempo, calculate the proper time to enter into an ensemble piece in order to complete a sound (in relation to an equation), or something similar. This essay has the ability to balance the discussion and yet, it focuses mostly on jazz at the moment, with only a sudden, rude connection to math in the end. There should be a fluid blending of the two related topics in your presentation. It must be seamless, it should not shock the reader. It should instead, seem like the most normal thought process presentation for someone interested in both jazz and math.

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