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"Reincarnation; a consequence of my earlier failure" - Common app essay


yseon92 1 / -  
Nov 20, 2010   #1
Hello.

I am a senior right now and I decided, for the common app writing section, to write about my past struggles. Some said this is a bad topic to write about and that colleges will not like it.

Should I write about another topic?
What do you think overall?
Any suggestions?

Thank you.

Reincarnation

"Are you begging me to send you to the juvenile hall? What are you going to do with your life?" The judge's harsh words echoed through the court, as she spoke with glaring eyes. My lawyer argued and begged her profusely to have mercy on me, but in here, I was nothing. This was just another day at work for the judge.

"She does not deserve a chance. This girl is not going to change."
The judge's eyes appeared to be saying, "You have no future." This was a pivotal moment for me. As she spoke, the overwhelming feeling of remorse swept me like an enormous wave covering up the shore. Suddenly, I wanted to prove to her that she was wrong. I wanted to show the world that I actually could be a person of character who could make a positive impact in the world based on my experiences. Fortunately, she decided to give me another chance, and six months of long probation. I was relieved and very grateful for this fresh start.

A bit bewildered and unsure initially, school was my number one priority. First, fulfilling my role as a student meant going to all of my classes and doing all of my homework. Although this was a struggle, I was lucky because there were people who helped me, guided me, and supported me during this transition. I am thankful to all of them, especially to my parents for their forgiveness and redemption. I spoke with a diversity of slang, not with rich vocabulary. I memorized the lyrics to songs by Eminem, not the lines of "Sonnet 92" by Shakespeare. I knew how to play hooky, not how to calculate using law of sines. There were many gaps in my language and my learning needed remediation. At times, I wanted to give up, but my ambition and the desire to prove my worth propelled me to work harder.

When I saw my name on the honor roll for the first time - it was a pure delight, elation, a beautiful feeling, as having gone on a rollercoaster for the first time. I felt like I had jumped off and dived into the sea of accomplishment after a mile run on a hot summer day. The feeling of achievement was great for me - the pure joy of sweet success, so I worked even harder. From that point on, that ebullient feeling of achievement became my biggest motivation and I started diligently working for myself, instead of working to prove my worth to others.

Although I do regret some earlier choices, these decisions and pitfalls have helped me grow into a stronger person who is increasingly independent. Failure and struggle build character and through them, I have learned that I have the potential to be successful. Because I have already learned how to get back up when I have fallen down the stairs of failure, now I feel I can overcome anything and will not easily give up. I am a wave that keeps coming back to the shore, no matter how many times I get pulled away. Overcoming obstacles caused by my mistakes has given me the motivation to work harder, to seek challenge and to strive to realize my potential. As a consequence of my earlier failure, I am a more resilient, self reliant, mature and confident individual.

Flutter92 2 / 4  
Nov 20, 2010   #2
I would word this differently "There were many gaps in my language and my learning needed remediation."

Other than that, I really liked it. You did a great job describing your past and you future desires/potential.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
Nov 30, 2010   #3
Because I have already learned how to get back up when I have fallen down the stairs of failure, now I feel I can overcome anything and will not easily give up.

This is some of the most graceful writing I have ever seen. However, I want you to consider making a change to the sentence above. ----Because I have already learned how to get back up when I have fallen down the stairs of failure; now I feel I can overcome anything and will not easily give up. ---------Your way was correct, but I think this change would make it even more beautiful.

Well... is it a bad topic? Maybe it is a little risky, but it is so well written that I think it deserves a chance. However, it is not complete until you add a paragraph near the end to tell about your determination to make a particular contribution to a cause that you feel strongly about. What is your goal for the future? When you have a goal for the future, you inspire everyone who reads your writing.

:-)


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