Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 3


'how I relate to the world' - An Intellectual Opportunity at Stanford


saurabh93 11 / 94  
Dec 15, 2011   #1
I would love to receive valuable feedback please

STANFORD SUPPLEMENTAL PROMPT #1 -- Impact of intellectual opportunity
Participating in the Summer College program at Stanford after my junior year of high school was certainly rewarding. In my pursuit of further knowledge in the sciences, I enrolled in the Biochemistry course. I felt that the four figure price was not worth the quality of education; I enjoyed the nature of the class. The course exposed me to the various intricacies of biochemical processes. I was amazed at how they are able to couple in a way that would maximize efficiency and productivity in organisms. For instance, ATP synthase can reduce the rate of ATP production by more than 99%. Facts like these underscore the importance of biochemistry in our world. I grasped how vital biochemistry is for understanding our relation with the natural world. The subject has a lot of depth and breadth, and the material can be applied to any imaginable scenario. In fact, this idea encouraged me to take the course. Our class discussed experiments and interpreted results through presentations. Clearly, I was looking forward to experiences such as these, where I learned that the information in the textbook has meaning that transcends textbooks. I wanted to finish the program knowing that I have learned more about how I relate to the world and vice versa, as opposed to rote memorization. For instance, I can run quickly due to ATP, and my legs slow down due to lactic acid. If one applies biochemistry to the world rather than in the classroom, one can learn so much more about the world. I came to appreciate the idea that processes as simple as ATP synthesis make the world diverse. Overall, biochemistry helped me as an intellectual and an individual. I learned a lot about biological processes and I appreciated how meaningful they are to the world. Although I did not receive the grade I desired, I am convinced that the knowledge and values acquired matter more. In college and beyond, I hope to continually apply my learning in my desirable discipline.
Daybreak 3 / 32  
Dec 15, 2011   #2
If one applies biochemistry to the world rather than in the classroom, one can learn so much more about the world.

I think that sentence is a bit repetitive; perhaps you should try something like "...one can learn so much more about what's out there," or "...one can learn so much more about what's around us."

Or perhaps instead of the first part you could say "If one applies biochemistry to every-day life rather than just to class..."
Because technically, the classroom is part of the world.

I was amazed at how they are able to couple in a way that would maximize efficiency and productivity in organisms.

Couple sounds a bit weird here, I'd suggest 'function' or 'work together.'

Hey, I might have known you. But I forget names; I took Biochem last summer at Stanford.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Dec 18, 2011   #3
was certainly rewarding.

This is the significance of the sentence... it's the conclusion of the first sentence. I think it should be more intriguing or more meaningful. "rewarding" is vagues, so the sentence is weak. Choose a word that will intrigue the reader.

Keep the verb tenses consistent for a nice style:
I was amazed at how they are were able...

Overall, biochemistry helped me as an intellectual and an individual.---- I think this is not good, and the ending is not good. Nothing is specific. You just say biochemistry is significant, etc., but instead youy should be layinf out some plans. You have to show the reader that you have specific things you are trying to accomplish. :-)


Home / Undergraduate / 'how I relate to the world' - An Intellectual Opportunity at Stanford
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳