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"the relationship between China and Italy" -personal statement for a university

yeseniyaus 3 / 5  
Mar 30, 2010   #1
Short-tempered, sometimes amiable but often strict to me, my mother has been one of the greatest positive influences in my life. People with ill temper are not easy to deal with because of their unpredictable anger, but I obtained the ability to get along with them thanks to my irascible mother. Besides that, many other valuable qualities I processed on account of mother's special education. It has taken me this long to realize how much my mother has taught me.

Since I had memory, the only person stayed with me has been my mother. Life is tough for a young single mother with heavy economic burden. Reality forced her to become an uncompromising woman, even as strong as a man in order to protect me. In contrast to a hyper-parent, my mother gave me enough freedom to make my own decisions as well as mistakes.

In the first year of elementary school, I started to go to school on my own after my mother had guided me several times. 30 minutes walking distance was a long journey for my age, but she thought it could be an excellent experience for me to develop both independence and self-determination. On my way to school, I learnt how to deal with different people, avoid dangerous situation, and overcome difficulties by myself. Once when I walking back home without an umbrella, it started raining heavily. Most of children in my age would choose to run back home or wait until the rain stop. However, I was different. Being brave enough, I asked a store-owner whether he could lend me an umbrella. A little surprised, the man gave me a blue umbrella and said, "No one borrows an umbrella form a stranger. People are afraid of being refused."

Indeed, numerous people feared to try, so they lose opportunities to make differences. They forgot their courage and abandoned their original dreams because of the cruel reality. Although I have experienced economic hardship in my life, I still own a dream with conviction. When I was a little girl, my hero was the first female emperor in Chinese history, and I felt unfair because most emperors were males. Now I inspired to become a successful business woman for the same reason that women should be taken seriously especially in the traditionally male-dominated fields.

Studying in a university with an excellent reputation, interesting programs and an international environment would be the first step to fulfill my dream. When I found Bocconi, I knew it is the perfect school for me. As one leading institution in Europe located in Italy, Bocconi offers high quality of economical and commercial courses and chances to explore Italian culture as well as to learn a new language. The internship opportunities and exchange program provided by Bocconi are quite appealing to me. Based on my elementary economic knowledge obtained from Internet and books, I think USA, EU, and China will form an iron triangle which is the firmest shape, in future world economic structure. As a result, if I can finish bachelor degree in Europe and master degree in USA, I will become more competitive in future career because of my international profile.

The economic and trade cooperation between Italy and China has been steadily increasing recently and still many cooperation opportunities wait for discovery. I observed the pizza market in China is dominated by a non-Italian company which provided low quality of pizzas. I wonder whether it is possible to introduce some Italian authentic pizza companies to China. Why not give me a chance to do a pizza marketing research in Italy? Let me contribute a little to the relationship between China and Italy.
Vulpix - / 71  
Mar 31, 2010   #2
The first half of your essay is emotionally strong, and it gives a lot of insight into your character. However, I was initially confused because it seemed to have nothing to do with the title of your essay: "the relationship between China and Italy." Perhaps you could post the essay prompt? I would like to know exactly what your university is looking for.

The transition from the first half of your essay (your childhood) to the second half (studying in a university) is not as abrupt as it could have been, but still, the two topics are so loosely connected as to be almost non sequiturs in the way they are presented. I would need to see the prompt to know for sure, but my advice would be to focus more on the "why I want to go to this university" side of your essay and cut some of your earlier reminisces.

As for your last paragraph, I felt that it was unnecessary, because although it directly related to the title of your essay, this business about pizzas is not mentioned at all in the rest of your essay. Also, are you asking the university to give you "a chance to do pizza marketing research in Italy"? Because I'm not sure if the university has control over that...?

[Although I agree that Pizza Hut pizza, which I assume is what you're referring to, is pretty terrible. But Yum! Brands already has such a strong presence in China, with KFC as well, that it would be difficult to displace them with a "genuine" Italian pizza, especially since most Chinese people I know neither know or care what the difference between Italian pizza and American pizza is. But I digress...]
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Apr 1, 2010   #3
Short-tempered, sometimes amiable, but often strict with me, my mother has been one of the greatest positive influences in my life. ---- this is a very nicely constructed sentence!!

As far back as I can remember, the only person stayed with me throughout all trials has been my mother.

...different people, avoid dangerous situations , and overcome difficulties by myself.

I love the ending! However, the first paragraph needs one more sentence. Right now the first para is all about your mother, but the essay is not only about your mother. Add a sentence to the end of paragraph one to tell the reader how your mother's influence led you to have confidence about marketing research when you got older. That way, the essay will have good organization.


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