The Question IS
Beyond your impressive academic credentials and extracurricular accomplishments, what else makes you unique and colorful?
We know that nobody fits neatly into 500 words or less, but you can provide us with some suggestion of the type of person you are. Anything goes! Inspire us, impress us or just make us laugh. Think of this optional opportunity as show and tell by proxy and with an attitude
I would really appreciate if you could tell me if I need to be more direct in describing myself. Thank you so much for your help.
My three favorite foods are double fudge brownie ice cream, chocolate chip cookies, and cupcakes. I love these foods because they remind of people I love.
I often spend my Friday nights with my sister curled up on the couch, eating double fudge brownie ice cream, and watching a movie ranging from Whose Afraid of Virginia Wolfe to Disney's The Princess and the Frog. We have been watching movies together on Friday nights for so long that I cannot remember when we began. But every time I taste the richness of double fudge brownie ice-cream, I remember our Friday nights and the richness of my relationship with my sister.
Like the average high school student, I have fallen into the trap of procrastination and have had to stay up late into the night doing homework. Sometimes, I have company on these nights in the form of chocolate chip cookies made by Mom. Each time I bite into a cookie and taste the warm milk chocolate, I taste my mother's love and her belief in me that I can finish my homework. Her cookies and faith in me encourage me, and get me through my homework.
My friends and I originally brought cupcakes to school for each other's birthdays, but we soon realized that birthdays were not the only important day to acknowledge in the life of a high school student. We then began to bring them in for each other when we failed tests, were mad at our mothers, and just wanted to do something nice. It takes time to make these cupcakes as we not only have to bake them, but also must decorate them with icing and sprinkles. Cupcakes are an exemplification of our love and concern for one another, because they show how much time we are willing to invest in each other.
Every time I eat chocolate fudge brownie ice cream, chocolate chip cookies, and cupcakes, I think of my favorite people my mom, my sister, and my friends. My relationships with them are extremely important to me, and have helped shape into woman I am today. They even influenced my favorite foods.
I really like your topic! This was well written, but I would maybe try to use more transitions when you jump from food to food, just so it doesn't sound so choppy.
Other suggestions:
"Her cookies and faith in me encourage me, and get me through my homework."
This sounds a bit redundant with the "me," so maybe you could change it to: "With her cookies laced with her love and encouragement, I was always able to get through my homework."
"Every time I eat chocolate fudge brownie ice cream, chocolate chip cookies, and cupcakes, I think of my favorite people my mom, my sister, and my friends" <--- put a colon in between "people" and "my mom" since you're starting a list.
other than that, great work!! thanks for looking at my essay too!
