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UC prompt 2- "Relationship led to patience"


kelly303022 2 / 4  
Nov 28, 2012   #1
Prompt 2- Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

I have a really good "Jei-Mei" relationship. In Mandarin, "Jei" means older sister and "Mei" means younger sister. While holding this inseparable relationship with my sister, I discovered one trait that helped me moved forward towards the understanding of who I am today.

"Patience", was what came across my mind when I first thought of myself. Not to brag, but I have the most patience when taking care of children. The smile of sweet innocent babies and the care-free gestures of infants age two to six was what I considered to be happiness. Babysitting children allowed me to cooperate my personal characteristics and express emotions towards them freely, without any burden. I was taught to consider each other from everyday living. The concept of helping elders crossing the road, holding baggage for handicaps or letting pregnant woman sit on a chair were lessons taught when I was young. Such action can led to the purpose of being patient. The relationship between siblings requires patience as well as a considerate person. Not only did that helped me understood the moral side of a person but also revealed the true identity each person obtained, such as endurance . It might seem time consuming to absorb new lessons and experiences, but the payoff gave me support in strength.

It all happened on a gloomy day in December, 2008. I became unsettled when my aunt and uncle started gathering their belongings in a hurry. They were told from my sister's college dean that the school had held her at the doctor's for a while. I was shocked to hear the desperate news. At that moment, all the patience I had turned into strain. Depression, a word that I was unfamiliar with, brought itself in display before my eyes. Everything seemed too real to happen, yet it did. It took several months for my sister to recover. I had to stay by her and sleep with her so she wouldn't do anything out of control. In order to give her support, I had to act strong. As time quietly passed by and my sister's symptom gradually improved, my patience grew. However, my life experience was never the same again.

Helping my sister get through the pain and depression, I learned to observe my surrounding and take time to absorb changes. Experiences not only allowed me to understand the important qualities of relationships, but also my ability to endure obstacles and have the patience to take care for people I truly love. It was not easy to feel the pain my sister was suffering. However, in retrospect, if I did not have the chance to experience the fatal turning point in my life, I would not realize how a simple word, such as depression, can shape me into a stronger person. Moreover, I want to be like my sister. Her dreams and aspiration were what gave her the strength to keep moving forward. I am proud of who I am, who I became and be able to overcome and endure the obstacles that led me a step closer toward future. Into a person who can share her quality to the world. Into whom I really wanted to be.

*This is my draft on what I would write about. It's not fully organized yet, just an idea!

THANK YOU SO MUCH IN ADVANCE.
FortuitousMW 3 / 8  
Nov 29, 2012   #2
Really???? It's only your brainstorm. It looks more like a complete essay. I seriously in love with your writing style. (Haha, too flattery!)
Here's a flaw on your essay. Your essay talks more about you "OPINIONS" than yourSELF. Your thoughts on relationship and patience are great because you actually tells me about your personal quality. However, I think focus more on your "solid achievement, accomplishments" is better.

P.S. you can use this draft as the first draft. As a brainstorm, It is excellence.
P.S. you told me that you live in Shihlin, too. Which school are you attending? TAS, TES, TAPA, or local high schools. we can probably get to know each other more. Haha
OP kelly303022 2 / 4  
Nov 29, 2012   #3
HAHA thanks. Well... this was kind of my draft but then it got too messy so I completely changed it. But thank you! the part when you said I focused more on my opinions rather than myself was exactly what I was thinking.

tas, tes, tapa? are those schools in texas... haha? or... WHERE ARE THEY i don't really know.. i'm applying to UCs since i live in CA.

Only if we get into the same school then we can get to know each other more. I felt like there's already a bond between us, knowing that we both came from the same country and the same district! :D ha.

anyways, thank you for you feedback!
FortuitousMW 3 / 8  
Nov 30, 2012   #4
TAS(Taipei American School), TES(Taipei Europe School) and TAPA(Taipei Adventist Oreoaratory Academy) are Internation Schools in Taipei. I am studying in TAPA. :))) so you are now living in Texes or CA? Which state do you like more?

How many UC schools you were applying? I only applied 5 of them because I also apply some schools in the east coast. :D
OP kelly303022 2 / 4  
Nov 30, 2012   #5
OH. so youre in taiwan right now? the international school in taipei?
I didn't know what those abbreviations stand for so I searched it up and it showed texas something.
And no, I live in san diego, CA! I applied to all 9 of the UC's (just in case...)
Do you have fb? we should probably talk or message there haha if you don't mind. (since this website is used for ESSAYS, you know :P) Anyways, today is the last day to apply and I haven't submit my essays yet.... wish me luck..


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