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'my relationship with tennis' - Common App Additional Info Essay


Sasoo 1 / 2  
Dec 30, 2008   #1
This is an intensely personal essay, and it deals with me struggling with my chronic and severe asthma as a child. Tennis helped me through it.

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I feel that several circumstances have to be explained briefly to give a better picture of myself.

Even though academics is my primary concern on school days, I also have other significant pursuits outside of school.

I play tennis extensively. However, my relationship with tennis is unlike most of my peers because of the chronic and severe asthma I was born with. Most people view tennis as a fun and leisurely sport, but to me, it was a grueling challenge that I could not put down. I was disappointed on the courts every day. My opponents would take advantage of my asthma to run me around the court, exhausting my energy and eventually constricting my airway until I could no longer compete, and unwillingly collapse in defeat. Every time I played tennis competitively with my family, it hurts me that I couldn't play a full match without scrambling for my inhaler. This condition sickened me, and I vowed in elementary that I would not succumb to asthma, and that I would play tennis until I conquered my asthma. It was a difficult road.

I never took official tennis lessons, because I played it with a purpose other than winning matches. I wanted to win against myself, to win against my physical limitations. I played tennis every time with the knowledge that my asthma would eventually get better, and that knowledge drove me, no matter how tired I was, no matter how much my brain was gasping for air, to push myself to exhaustion every day. My hard work paid off. I eventually began to see improvements. The first time that I was able to run a mile under ten minutes, I fell onto the ground wheezing, and wept for my achievements. It was the first sign that I could lead a normal life with asthma, that I could live without the fear of an asthma attack triggered at every corner. I had overcome the worst symptoms of the disease and desensitized myself to physical pain. I could hope to play with my peers normally for the first time.

It was exhilarating.
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I need a grammatical check and feedback, but I also have a question.

I felt like I could end the essay right here, but I also had an urge to extend the essay to discuss how I fought asthma further in high school until it was almost non-existent, and maybe bring in my 1000+ hours of Extracurricular tennis outside of school during my years of high school.

Do you guys have advice on whether I should just end the essay right here or extend it further to provide more information? Its a toss-up between a small and powerful essay and a long but informative essay. Thanks!

piggytails626 2 / 7  
Dec 30, 2008   #2
Even though academics are my primary concern on school days, I also have other significant pursuits outside of school. try not to be redundant with the word school

My opponents would take advantage of my asthma running me around the court, exhausting me, eventually constricting my airways until I could no longer compete,and unwillingly collapsed in defeat.This sentence is slightly awkward, I think the wording could be adjusted to make it better.

Every time I played tennis competitively with my family, it hurt that I couldn't play a full match without scrambling for my inhaler.

I think your feeling of adding more to this was right. I think instead of "It was exhilarating maybe you could make a more dramatic and memorable ending. Hope that I helped!
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
Dec 31, 2008   #3
Every time I played tennis competitively with my family, it hurt me that I couldn't play a full match without scrambling for my inhaler.

This condition sickened me, and I vowed in elementary school that I would not succumb to asthma, and that I would play tennis until I conquered it.

It was the first sign that I could lead a normal life with asthma, that I could live without the fear of an asthma attack being triggered at every corner.

I think it would be fine to end there, but could be way more powerful if you do add another couple sentences about how you went on and racked up all those hours on the tennis court. Kind of gives the essay an extra happy "ending".

Good luck in school!!!

:)


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