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I'd rather remain a chicken-hearted boy - common app activities essay


jonjojonjo 4 / 9  
Dec 23, 2011   #1
I always fled from fights, when they pop out. In my middle school, fights occurred constantly; for instances: fights among schools, fights for choosing a leader, fights during the games, and fighting over girls etc. Because of my stature being relatively smaller than any other students, I preferred to settle arguments peacefully. In the end, boys are just boys, so fistfight starts. One day, I fed up with being called chicken hearted and devised a super idea that taking taekwondo courses. Constant solid training really improved me till I got my first medal from national taekwondo championship. However, taekwondo developed me physically, it changed my mind completely. Getting to know that how it feels when being beaten myself, no matter how I do have the capability to fight, I was unwilling to make pain to anyone and opted to remain a same-old boy who always flees.
ZhoeK 5 / 173  
Dec 23, 2011   #2
Jonjo

Suggestion: When a fight broke out, I would always flee. They occurred quite frequently at my middle school: fights among schools, (I'm not sure what you saying here though) over choosing a leader, during games, (maybe you could mention a particular game/sport here) -and most of all, over girls. Since my stature is relatively smaller than most students, I preferred to settle arguments through peaceful means. But in the end, boys will boys and fistfights are inevitable. Fed up with being called chickenhearted, (is hearted a word? not sure, or is chickenhearted an expression?) I decided to take matters into my own hands and take Taekwondo courses. Through consistent training, I improved, and even won a medal at a National Taekwondo Championship. Taekwondo has helped me to develop physically but it also, completely changed my perspective of fighting. Now that I knew how to felt to being beaten despite my ability to fight, I was unwilling use the techniques that I had learned to inflict harm to others. Instead I opted to remain the chickenhearted boy who sought amicable methods to win a fight.

I think you have a basically good essay sketch right here though they were a lot of grammar issues. I have given my suggestion so, hope this helps!

Sorry if I pushed you over the word limit.
OP jonjojonjo 4 / 9  
Dec 23, 2011   #3
thank you!!! It really helps. I'm really having trouble with grammar indeed.
ZhoeK 5 / 173  
Dec 23, 2011   #4
No problem, glad I could help. I'd be happy to read your revised version as well.
:)


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