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I represented my school at Physics Olympiad- university entrance essay


sebastiann436 3 / 4  
Dec 7, 2012   #1
i'm going to apply to a university and they asked me to write an essay, 2000 char. long, including spaces, about one of my achievement, please help! any feedback would be much appreciated!

Some days before this year's Science Olympiad, my teacher told me that I'll be sent as my school's representative for this year's Physics Olympiad. Totally unprepared for the olympiad, I began my study about the related topic as soon as possible. I came to my physics teacher to study but instead of teaching me, she gave me some exam samples and asked me to study on my own. Left with no other option, I studied individually. I used every single sources I could use, start from books and modules from my school's library, to test questions and any other sources from google. I gave all I have to prepare myself for this olympiad. I studied whenever I could between gaps in class schedules and divide my time as efficiently as possible to study physics and working on my scientific paper project, which I was working on by that time, while in the other hand I still had to do other school assignments and study for other school exams. Sometimes I had to forfeit some of my assignments in order to prepare myself for the olympiad. Some of my friends were being so pessimistic about me to be able to proceed to any higher level in this olympiad since no one from my school ever passed even the first test. Trying hard to neglect their comments, I kept improving myself for the test. Sometimes between those times when I study I felt just how boring physics is, or how badly I wanted to spend my time doing some other fun, or at least to learn something else just other than physics. But I retain my full performance until the end of the olympiad, since this is what I had to do.

I was able to reach the province level for that olympiad, to be a representative for my regency. That was a notable achievement not only for myself, but also for my school. I gave my full effort for this test, for the my scientific paper project, and I'll always gave my full effort for something I have to do in my life or something I wanted to achieve, esspecially for my plans and goals in for life, for my future.
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Dec 7, 2012   #2
Some days before this year's Science Olympiad, my teacher told me that I'll be sent as my school's representative for this year's Physics Olympiad.

You should improve the presentation of this idea... It's your opening statement : )
I was shocked, yet thrilled when my teacher informed me that I've been selected to represent my school at this year's Physics Olympiard.

Totally unprepared for the olympiad, I began my study abouton the related topic as soon as possible. I came to my physics teacher to study but instead of teaching me, she gave me some exam samples and asked me to study on my own. Left with no other option, I studied individually. I used every single sources I could use, start from books and modules from my school's library, to test questions and any other sources from google.

Totally unprepared, I had no clue about how to get a start to prepare myself for this challenging task. I turned to my physics teacher for help, but she landed me with loads of exam samples and asked me to study them on my own. Having no direction or guidence from anybody, I felt as if I was lost in a middle of a desert. However, my confidence and determination didn't leave me; I studied every piece of paper on physics that I could set my eyes on; I screened through the shelves of the school library ; I spent hours on googling possible topics.
Hourea 1 / 1 1  
Dec 7, 2012   #3
I don't want to seem harsh but truthfully, I think the general tone is a bit redundant. There is a redundancy in the use of the word "olympiad", try replacing it from time to time by the words: challenge, experience ..

Example: Some days before this year's Science Olympiad, my teacher told me that I'll be sent as my school's representative for this year's edition.

Also, I would also avoid writing the negative part about how you thought physics was really boring because it contradicts the whole purpose of your answer and shows you are not passionate enough about it!


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