Research on Foxconn's suicides incident; TRANSFER/ Extracurricular activity

Elaborate on a ECA

During winter, I conducted a research on Foxconn's suicides incident and went to Shenzhen for a field study. Introduced by my friend, I was able to interview Chan, a Foxconn worker. "This is what we made everyday?" Holding my iPad, Chan asked curiously. Chan's excitement upset me. I could not imagine one sticking labels for ten hours a day; I could not imagine one producing but never see the products. However, this is Chan's life. "There are more than reported." Chan whispered when I asked about the jumped workers. I was shocked.

In Foxconn's incident, I saw the flaw in Chinese people. We imitate foreign practices, such as division of labor, but never improve our foundations, such as laws and regulations. I blame this on our rooted ethnic dignity that avoids admitting and learning from failures. I question myself, "Am I also a victim of conservative and complacent, like Chan?" I'm not sure. But I'm sure about one thing: openness is the only way to my substantial personal growth.

All advices are welcome. Thx!

Is this a question that chan is asking you? if so, maybe you should express it diffrently because it has a diffrent effect if it were in person than for a reader. so put " is this what we made everyday? ....or it it is a statement eliminate the question mark...it is quite confusing


This is technically ok...but it flow if you replaced the semi colon with ", and"


remove the period after reported and put comma. Also, as a reader I might not know what foxxcon suicides were, so by saying "jumped workers," tells me nothing jumped from what? how about ..."Chan whispered when I asked about the workers who jumped to their deaths."


Hope I helped when is this due?