The Admissions Committee would like to learn why you are a good fit for your undergraduate school choice (College of Arts and Sciences, School of Nursing, The Wharton School, or Penn Engineering). Please tell us about specific academic, service, and/or research opportunities at the University of Pennsylvania that resonate with your background, interests, and goals. (400-650 words)
Since discovering my passion for both the environment and helping others, I have wanted to make them the center of my life. Because of this, I want an education that will provide me with the tools necessary to become the compassionate, driven individual that I want to be. This is what makes University of Pennsylvania the right school for me. The Energy Research Group, student activities such as AsOne, and the Penn Abroad's CIEE Monteverde Program are programs that will help me become a person who can research intensively, find better ways to restore the environment and discover new information needed to make the world a better place.
When it comes to improving the environment, old methods do not necessarily need to be thrown out. Sometimes, slight modifications are the answer. This view falls in line with the Energy Research Group's way of assimilating new information. The Energy Research Group enables efficient use of resources. This club is an opportunity for students like me to have a chance to be active in the environment. It calls members to be conservative and creative in order for us to find new technology to impact how we will use energy now and later. Likewise, this club resembles P.A.W.S. or Protect Animals with Service, a club I participated in high school where I learned that animals are an essential part of our environment. When the environment suffers, both humans and animals bear the effects. I see the Energy Research Group as a way to cooperate with individuals to solve problems. It is a way to gain more understanding about energy so it can be used more successfully. By attending this club, I can have more understanding about energy and how it impacts the curriculum I will study. Though my interest in this club comes from a background of helping animals, I know helping the environment helps us and the animals that co-habit the world.
Penn offers AsOne, a club that sets up sustainable projects for countries in Africa and the Middle East. By funding local schools and providing villages with access to water members of the club sow seeds that have a global impact. I share the group's views of helping others in order for mankind to thrive. It shows that Penn cares about tackling current problems efficiently. I felt an immediate attraction to AsOne from past experiences at a student leadership conference. At the conference, we carried heavy pails of dirty water for over half a mile in order to simulate those in Africa who walk miles to get water. This experience gave me a drive to help those countries in ways that is effective and practical. AsOne fits into my hopes of being able to travel and to help countries in need. Its humanitarianism makes it one of the resilient clubs at Penn which I want to join.
Although most of Penn's study abroad have a deep impact on its students I am drawn to Penn Abroad's CIEE Monteverde Program because of my past with working with animals and the environment. The program that teaches students about tropical diversity also models conservation for the developing world. Because the program requires a solid background of ecology courses and Spanish, I know that Penn emphasizes good curriculum before allowing its students to have hand-on experiences in the field. Despite its natural welcoming beauty, Costa Rica has economic problems like many other countries. I know that I aspire for success in foreign environments. I want to know how to dissect problems in other countries and know how to analyze them. This program offered at Penn allows students to so. After reading several student reviews, I see that this trip causes students to view the world differently by changing their views on humanity. This program a way to gain insight on the way people view the environment and ecological problems.
Within all of Penn's student organizations, a student can find a place where they fit in and what activities match with their aspirations. Apart from their curriculum, Penn knows that what a student does outside of the classroom matters in making them a well-rounded individual. When paired with the right activities, one's education can be used as tool to impact the community and the world.
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This essay is already too long! But first of all, how could I make it stronger? How could I maybe expand on my goals?
I can see that your essay is well-written and is without grammatical errors. However, what seems to be missing is the part of your personality that says "I'm a good fit for this school and I really belong here!" While you do answer the second part of the prompt (something I didn't do in mine), you seem to play it too safe when concerning yourself. Put a little more of your personality into this essay and it will be absolutely perfect. Like I said earlier, it's already good, but it could easily be better.
I hope I was helpful.
By the way, could you look at mine. It needs some serious revisions.
