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Research opportunities and the campus nature; UW- Madison/ Why UW-Madison?


Shoko0229 4 / 14 3  
Dec 27, 2012   #1
Hello, here is my essay for UW Madison. I don't like my conclusion, but have no idea what to do. If you leave any suggestions, I'll read yours in return!

Thanks!
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Propmt: Tell us why you decided to apply to the University of Wisconsin-Madison. In addition, share with us the academic, extracurricular, or research opportunities you would take advantage of as a student. If applicable, provide details of any circumstance that could have had an impact on your academic performance and/or extracurricular involvement.

When I was a small girl, I often begged by parents to take me to zoos; I loved the animals themselves there, the smell of them (though some say it is bad), and their easygoing way of life of simply following their instinct and curiosity. I loved watching elephants showering each other, monkeys playing, koalas sleeping, snakes staring at me, giraffes standing against the blue sky. The zoo was the wonder land for me, where my dream of living with the nature came true.

After more than ten years, my interest in the nature has developed to my dream to become a biophysicist in the future. In studying and being fascinated to the fundamental mechanisms of life in biology class and the fundamental mechanism of the universe in physics class, it has been very easy for me to imagine what amazing things would be revealed if biology refers to physics. Now I am eager to conduct research in biophysics and share the interesting discoveries about my dear organisms with the whole society in the future.

University of Wisconsin-Madison is the ideal place to realize my dream. At Madison's biochemistry department, students are offered a precious opportunity of studying the basis of biological studies with the prodigious faculty and vast cutting-edge facilities. I am especially drawn to the chance to assist the present research of the world's leading faculty there. I am eager to learn from them not only technical lab skills, but also essential qualities as a scientist such as logical and critical thinking, tenacity, and curiosity. I expect a time of substantial learning of what a professional scientist is like from the live models through direct contact with them. I will take a good and important step to my career as a biophysicist at Madison.

As I pursue biophysics as a researcher, I have one thing that I always want to have in mind: my love for the nature. Today, most biological research can be completed within "artificial" environment, using sample organisms for those taken from the nature, incubators for natural growth environment, and electron microscope for human bare eyes. This is the inevitable result of the progress of biology. However, originally, my dream started with my passion and wonder toward the beautiful miracle of the nature; my identity as a scientist lies in my love of the "natural" nature. If I totally indulge myself in unnatural experiments, I would lose my purpose and motivation to my research. For me, my exploration of organisms makes the real sense with my love to them.

When I first looked at photos of Madison's campus, I was instantly mesmerized by its beauty. "Wow, the campus is full of green and directly faces the beautiful large lake!" Humans and the nature live together there. I can always feel, touch, enjoy, and interact with the nature and organisms. Madison is the place where I always remember my original motive as a scientist, and am encouraged even further to my future dream.

I will really enjoy the wonderful research experience under renowned faculty and the life in the great nature at Madison. After my four years there, I will be ready to be a skilled, thoughtful, interested, and motivated biophysicist, and contribute to the society with my discoveries.
katev 18 / 120 24  
Dec 27, 2012   #2
a small girl

a young girl

zoos; I loved

zoos. I loved

their easygoing way of life of simply following their instinct and curiosity

You should rephrase this, it's a mouthfull

if biology refers to physics

when biology combines with physics

offered a precious

offered the precious

prodigious faculty

prodigious? maybe choose a different word

I am eager to learn from them not only technical lab skills

I am eager to learn no only technical skills.... from such (great?) professors.

I will take a good and important step

Choose a better adjective other than "good"

Maybe rearrange your last couple of sentences so that once you end with Madison.
You bring up a good point when you say

As I pursue biophysics as a researcher, I have one thing that I always want to have in mind: my love for the nature.

but at that point in your essay, it seems out of place. You gave all your reasons why Madison would advance career and you end it nicely... then you start up again. It is a little unnatural to read
OP Shoko0229 4 / 14 3  
Dec 27, 2012   #3
Thanks! I'll think about the points you've mentioned.
Anyone else? plz read!!!


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