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research techniques to experiment design - activities extracurricular & personal


jungdaesuh 1 / 3  
Mar 2, 2010   #1
Hello!

It's my first post on the essayforum. I am a transfer applicant. Please help me.

please elaborate on one of your activities extracurricular personal activities. (150 words or fewer).

I've been assisting a Ph.D. student in a laboratory from beginning of my freshmen year. I try to learn various research techniques to experiment designing. As a result, I spend half of my day in the laboratory. My research goal is to identify the function of specific DNA sequence of mouse. Most days, my supervisor is gone, so I ask different people in lab about protocols. Each person has a different protocol. I choose one. If it does not work, I try different one. Ultimately, I create my own protocol that works for this one. My supervisors tell me to slow down because I haven't taken the necessary courses. To me, it's an opportunity. My mind has not been bombarded with "correct" knowledge. My creativity and imagination has not been damaged yet, which is why some procedures that I do seem bizarre to other people.

Please help me the flow, grammatical errors, and conciseness. Comments on contents are welcome too.

Thank you!
danniee 2 / 7  
Mar 2, 2010   #2
I felt as though you stated an excuse to why you want to learn various things in regards to experimenting. I would like to suggest you try to make your sentence sound more confident.

for ex. I would revise this sentence.

Although I'm an undergraduate, I try to learnedas much as possible ranging fromvarious research techniques and experiment designing.

The directions of your short essay does not necessarily ask you to explain why you were doing your extracurricular activities. But it simply asks you to explain what you have done.
OP jungdaesuh 1 / 3  
Mar 2, 2010   #3
Thank you for your perspective!

I felt merely elaborating was boring. Are admission officers that strick about the question?
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Mar 3, 2010   #4
...in a laboratory since the beginning of my freshmen year. Although I'm an undergraduate, I try to learn as much as possible ranging from research techniques to experiment design .---- I took out "without compensation," because it is not really relevant to the meaning of the essay.

My mind has not been bombarded with "correct" knowledge; my creativity and imagination has have not been damaged yet. ----- excellent! Don't let that happen!! :-) Read "Not Always So" by Shunryu Suzuki :-)
OP jungdaesuh 1 / 3  
Mar 12, 2010   #5
I took the advice and fixed my essay.

Any new suggestion?

P.S. "Not always so" book seems so profound.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Mar 13, 2010   #6
I've been assisting a Ph.D. students in a laboratory since the beginning of my freshmen year. I tried to learn various research techniques to associated with experimental designs. As a result, I spent half of my days in the laboratory. My research goal was to identify the functions of specific DNA sequences of mice. Most days, my supervisor was gone, so I asked different people in the lab about protocols.

ow we can switch to the present verb tense, so start a new paragraph:

Paragraph #2:
Each person has a different protocol. I choose one; if it does not work, I try different one. Ultimately, I create my own protocol that works for this one my purpose. My supervisors tell me to ...

excellent, this is very good!!

My creativity and imagination has have

..not been damaged yet, which is why some procedures that I do seem bizarre to other people. --- awesome, I love it!
OP jungdaesuh 1 / 3  
Mar 13, 2010   #7
Thank you so much for the comment!!!!

I fixed it right away!


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