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Research world journey - Common app for research universities: Prompt no 5


lolessay 1 / 5 1  
Oct 24, 2018   #1

"Where it all started"



Common app essay for research universities: Discuss an accomplishment, event, or realization that sparked a period of personal growth and a new understanding of yourself or others. PLEASE PROVIDE NECESSARY FEEDBAGS AND NO NEED TO BE POLITICALLY CORRECT. I WILL HELP YOU WITH YOURS.

Since I loved teaching, I volunteered to teach students of settlement areas. We had sharing session after the class where one volunteer questioned, "Why are there less female students?" I was intrigued by the question and instantly remembered my Mathematics classroom-class with almost all empty benches. I checked the data and number it spoke the same-- less students study mathematics. I searched about factors influencing subject selection and the ways the number of mathematics students can be increased, but made no headway. This question made me restless, and the answer continued to elude me. I talked about reason for less Mathematics students to my teachers and Mathematicians but didn't get satisfactory answer. In the meantime, while discussing with my friends, term "Research" popped out. We were excited but none of us had prior research opportunity or knew how it worked. As we thought it is perfect opportunity to learn about research and contribute something to the society-we chose to go that route.

We requested 15 mathematics teachers and 4 university professors to guide us in research. The answer was-"NO" or sometimes "It's not for children, do it as your Doctorate thesis". Though we saw no light forward, we continued. We had studied about research and research methodologies through various books and decided on perception survey. When the time for literature review, I was alone, my friends had backed out.

In the meantime, the battle started within me-should I continue or not? I decided not to give up. Subsequently, my principal, came as a hope, giving me the way to move forward recommending some books and sources. As I had to devote substantial amount of time to learn and prepare drafts, I stepped down from leadership position at Partnership in Education and eventually left it. In the course, I realized, I had stopped debating and missed several school functions. I was trading a great school experience to literally get my hands into cutting-edge research activity. Finally, when track was open, I prepared the questions, administered the survey, and completed the work. My paper titled, "Why less Mathematicians- Increasing the STEM students" provides solution to increase Mathematics students in (country name).

My journey in research world didn't end with completing a paper. I completed several other papers-in Economics, Astrophysics, and presented paper in National Youth Research Competition. Surprisingly, I every other student there was undergraduate, graduate and doctorate student and I was the only high school student. Consequently, I worked in research labs and my proposal for research on "Filtration of smoke: A theoretical Approach" was accepted at National Academy of Science and Technology and Research Academy of Science and Technology of ..X.. University, making me the only high school student to have a proposal selected at both top labs of the country.

This remarkable experience opened path for various opportunities and inspired me to perform better in any task I undertake. I consider it a turning point in my academic life. It has increased my passion for research and my determination to work to improve people's quality of life. I have also become more confident in my research efforts and am able to contact any researcher to pursue a position in their laboratory. Now I can submit my papers for presentation in any forums or submit papers for publication in any research journals. I have realized that there are many opportunities for students like myself to contribute to labs and brainstorm solutions for current problems.

I realized, a slow and gradual change had occurred in me. In the course, I grew more matured, and I learned to face difficulties boldly. Moreover I realized something important. In various conditions of one's life, there are many roads which have to be travelled alone and many moves that have to be made even though we see no light of success. The only thing we should have on our mind is hope. Running to complete the research, I learned to learn. Now I am all set to run the road of my life.

Holt [Contributor] - / 7,181 1785  
Oct 25, 2018   #2
@lolessay What is the maximum word count for this essay? The reason I ask is that it feels too long when reading it. It takes too long to get to the point. The highlights of the essay are far between which creates boredom for the reader. Rather than increasing the interest of the reader, it is lessened by too much back story. I think this essay will be better presented if you discuss your accomplishment first, the reason for it second, and how you accomplished it third. That way, by the time you get to the explanation about your personal growth, you can already connect it to an understanding of others, which you seem to have missed in this presentation. Close the essay by telling the reader how the enrollment improved in STEM courses so that your essay closes on a very strong presentation of your growth as a person, student, and civic minded person.
OP lolessay 1 / 5 1  
Oct 25, 2018   #3
Merged:

Common app essay for research universities: Prompt no 5



Common app essay for research universities: Discuss an accomplishment, event, or realization that sparked a period of personal growth and a new understanding of yourself or others. PLEASE PROVIDE NECESSARY FEEDBAGS AND NO NEED TO BE POLITICALLY CORRECT. I WILL HELP YOU WITH YOURS.

I tried to do according to suggestions of others and here I make a change. For those who have not gone through the previous draft I have added it to last.

How do you think is better to start: do you find this way better:
I added this sentence. Does it catch the attention?


While a senior in high school, I completed a research- "Why less Mathematicians- Increasing the STEM students." It not only paved my way to enter the world of knowledge creation but also helped me realize there are many roads to be traveled alone in one's life and many moves to be made even when we see no light of success.

Then going to how the research came to me and difficulties I faced.... I think it is long but I am not able to make the point short. Please help here:

I loved teaching and spent 6 hours a week teaching students of settlement areas under Partnership in Education-A long of service related venture of my school. On the sharing session after the class one volunteer questioned, "Why are there less Mathematics students?" The questioned disappeared with a laughter within no time but it made me restless, and the answer continued to elude me. I visualized my Mathematics classroom-almost empty in Mathematics class and checked the national mathematics enrollment data which spoke the same. I searched about factors influencing subject selection and the ways number of mathematics students can be increased, but made no headway.

I tried to rearrange sentences here. May be this can all be summed up in a sentence or two. What is your view in this paragraph.. May be 15 and 4 makes it more lively or more disturbing.

In the meantime, while discussing with my friends, term "Research" popped out. We were excited but none of us had prior research opportunity or knew how it worked. As we thought it is perfect opportunity to learn about research and contribute something to the society-we chose to go that route. We requested 15 mathematics teachers and 4 university professors to guide us in research. The answer was-"NO" or sometimes "It's not for children, do it as your Doctorate thesis".

Then I changed to how I completed it finally. Is it more or short.

Though we saw no light forward, we continued. We had studied about research and research methodologies through various books and decided on perception survey. When the time for literature review, I was alone, my friends had backed out. In the same time-the battle started within me-should I continue or not? I decided not to give up. Subsequently, my principal, came as a hope, giving me the way to move forward recommending some books and sources. To devote more time for the task, I left teaching and stopped debating. To me trading a great school experience to get my hands into cutting-edge research activity felt worthy. Finally, I prepared the questions, administered the survey, and completed the work.

What happened after this... The path it paved,... The effect on my future... Do you feel it conveys something important.

My paper deals with factors influencing selection of subject, and suggests the ways to increase Mathematics students in (country name). It provides comprehensive study of economic, social, and psychological factors that can influence a person to choose a career; and implementing the measures can help to increasing students in STEM. For me, this project was much more than a Mathematics research and merely completing was not enough. It paved my way for further study and helped me discovered my interests in wide range of subjects- I completed papers in Economics, Chemistry, and Astrophysics.I was the only high school student to present paper in National Youth Research Competition while all others were undergraduate and graduate students. Consequently, I got an opportunity to worked in research labs and my research proposal on "Filtration of smoke: A theoretical Approach" was accepted at National Academy of Science and Technology and Research Academy of Science and Technology of ..X.. University, making me the only high school student to have a proposal selected at two best labs of the country.

Self realization part: Is it way too long

This experience opened path for various opportunities and inspired me to perform better in any task I undertake. I consider it a turning point in my academic life. It has increased my passion for research and my determination to work to improve people's quality of life. I have also become more confident in my research efforts and am able to contact any researcher to pursue a position in their laboratory. Now I can submit my papers for presentation in any forums or submit papers for publication in any research journals. I have realized that there are many opportunities for students like myself to contribute to labs and brainstorm solutions for current problems.

After this I concluded as
I realized, a slow and gradual change had occurred in me. In the course, I grew more matured, and I learned to face difficulties boldly. Moreover I realized something important. In various conditions of one's life, there are many roads which have to be travelled alone and many moves that have to be made even though we see no light of success. The only thing we should have on our mind is hope. Running to complete the research, I learned to learn. Now I am all set to run the road of my life.

I added one sentence and concluded it this way. What do you suggest?

I realized, a slow and gradual change had occurred in me. In the course, I grew more matured, and I learned to face difficulties boldly. Moreover it helped me understand my society and made me courageous in the face of difficulties. Running to complete the research, I learned to learn. Now I am all set to run the road of my life.

Holt, you can already connect it to an understanding of others,
Please make it clear. I didn't get it. Like how to do and what to do in detail

Close the essay by telling the reader how the enrollment improved in STEM courses so that your essay closes on a very strong presentation of your growth as a person, student, and civic minded person.

I could just give suggestions, implementing is upto others. Is mentioning this enough?

It provides comprehensive study of economic, social, and psychological factors that can influence a person to choose a career; and implementing the measures can help to increasing students in STEM.


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