Overlooking the city of Boston, where the bright lights of the skyline illuminate the night sky, I finish a conference call with some business representatives from London and Milan. My office seems like it is on top of the world. No, scratch that. I feel like I am on top of the world - the business world that is. This is where I see myself years from now. However, my first step is attending BU, in which time I would like to accomplish a few things.
Primarily, I would like to take part in two incomparable opportunities: researching with professors and studying abroad in Europe. The professors at BU are clearly overqualified as some are Nobel Prize laureates and many have several publications. I would be honored in assisting them to continue to strive and expand their knowledge through research. Additionally, I could not fulfill my experience at BU without participating in the study abroad program. I have always dreamed of speaking fluently in another language and going to Europe. With BU's study abroad program, I can pursue these dreams quite easily and affordably, while gaining experience by possibly interning in another country.
During my time at BU, I plan on participating in the dual degree program in order to receive a master in both psychology and international business. I was very much enticed by this program considering many other schools make double majoring between colleges almost impossible to complete in four years. Therefore, Boston University allows me to satisfy my intellectual curiosity, which is certainly a priority for when I attend college.
I would also like to mention one last goal for my four years at Boston University. I hope I am not risking my admittance to the university by informing you that I have never attended a hockey game. Considering hockey is the most popular sport at BU, I would be obligated to attend one as soon as possible if granted the opportunity. Not only would I be obligated, but also I would be more than delighted to show my support for the Terriers at what they do best in an athletic sense.
Solely describing my ambitions excites me more than anything. When I had originally drafted this essay, I was sitting in my hotel room in Boston after my second visit to the university. I was very much thrilled to apply to the school of my dreams. As cliché as that sounds, this previous statement could not be more valid, considering BU offers everything I would like to accomplish in four years of college. I clearly could not mention every minor aspect that I would like to experience at BU, as I cannot describe an exhilarating and fulfilling four years of my life. Although I cannot describe such an extended period of time, I hope to live it at BU and find myself on top of the world one day.
this needs some major work.. i just don't know where to start. PLEASE HELP!
Major work? This is a great essay, to me that is.
I like the beginning paragraph because it is basically telling the school that you have already made up your mind on your life journey and Boston already in the plans and there is no way you want to change that.
One thing I would change is basically give a review of everything that you want to accomplish or experience in the first paragraph and in the end as well. I say this because once I got to the end of the essay, I knew you wanted to accomplish great things, I just couldn't quite remember what all of them were without looking back over.
Other than that, great job :)
some business representatives from London and Milan. My office seems like it is on top of the world. No, scratch that. I feel like I am on top of the world - the business world that is.
This is excellent, Your vision of the future can be even better if you are not so vague about the "business world." You will be involved with one or more particular industries. So... include them in your vision. What industry might you be involved with?
Here is another one: speaking fluently in another language and going to Europe. ---- specify!! The magic of vision actualization is in the details. :-)
Solely describing my ambitions excites me more than anything. ---The meaning of this sentence is... um... well, maybe the word solely is supposed to be merely.