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A resilient person - UBC Personal Profile



highschlstudent 1 / 3  
Nov 29, 2024   #1
Essay Prompt
Tell us about who you are. How would your family, friends, and/or members of your community describe you? If possible, please include something about yourself that you are most proud of and why. (maximum 1500 characters)

I am a resilient person, and when I am determined to get a task accomplished I will work diligently and relentlessly in order to do the most I can to fulfill it to an adequate standard.

My family would describe me as a devoted member of their home. This is because of my insistence in committing a large portion of time in helping with their expenses as we are not in the most affluent position. In order to do so, I resolved to getting a job as soon as possible. I managed to become a swimming instructor after taking many certifications, mainly due to the flexibility it allowed as that would let me prioritize my studies alongside working part-time. With that gained experience, it also provided me a teaching role at a second company, letting me currently hold two jobs to further support my family while still focusing on my schoolwork.

Meanwhile, my friends and community would always express me as a kind, understanding, and helpful person. During school, whenever there would be an unresolved problem, I would attempt to explain now only the answer, but also all of the steps in getting to the solution. With that, I would always be patient and thoughtful throughout the entire process, ensuring that I either solve their issue, or continue to work alongside them until it is completed.

I am most proud of being able to mentor others at my workplace as it allows me to dedicate myself to assisting others in need of guidance, largely because of the future impact that I would have on them.

(Please let me know where I could improve on this, thank you all very much!)

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15415  
Nov 30, 2024   #2
Remove the first person reference paragraph at the start of this statement. Since it is character sensitive, you should not waste your time with redundant messaging and information. Do not use first person references throughout this essay. These points of view must come from a neutral side / second / third person point of view. This is the interview that the reviewer will be conducting of these people regarding your good moral character and conduct as a person. You should not be describing yourself in the essay. The reference to how your family describes you must be corrected in totality because you are over doing the paragraph, since you are writing from your personal point of view.
OP highschlstudent 1 / 3  
Nov 30, 2024   #3
Thank you Holt, I appreciate your help very much and I will be sure to emphasize the viewpoint of those describing me instead of my own perspective in my next draft.
OP highschlstudent 1 / 3  
Nov 30, 2024   #4
I have written a revised draft, and any additional comments would be greatly appreciated. I also chose to just paste it here instead of making a new thread so hopefully that is okay, thank you.

Essay Prompt
Tell us about who you are. How would your family, friends, and/or members of your community describe you? If possible, please include something about yourself that you are most proud of and why. (maximum 1500 characters)


Those who know him best would describe him as a devoted member of the home who puts their family first. He insisted in committing to assisting with expenses, and in order to do so, resolved to get a job as soon as possible. He became a swimming instructor after taking many certifications. The flexibility of this position allowing him to prioritize his studies, alongside working part-time. With this work experience, he was able to successfully apply for a second swim instructor position. He currently holds two jobs to further support his family while still focusing on his schoolwork.

Meanwhile, friends and teachers would describe him as a kind, understanding, and helpful person. In class, whenever there would be an unresolved problem, he would attempt to explain the answer and all of the steps in getting to the solution to them. With that, he would always be patient and thoughtful throughout the entire process, ensuring that he continues to work alongside them until it is completed

I am most proud of being able mentor others at my workplace, as it is something I have always been very dedicated towards. Guiding new colleagues through the ins and outs of the job and teaching them all the little secrets is incredibly rewarding, especially when I am able to gently work towards answering any questions together. This has allowed me to not only grow my own abilities in areas such as leadership, but also have a profound impact in shaping the future success of all my new coworkers.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15415  
2 days ago   #5
resolved to get a job as soon as possible

You could refer instead to how your parents reacted to your desire to help the family financially. How they admired you for it. If you have siblings, then how it inspired them as well.

He became a swimming instructor after taking many certifications

Clarify if this was a skill that you developed for free with the help of training institutions or if you had to pay for it. If you had to pay for it, then it defeats the purpose of this statement in relation to family finances.

He insisted in committing to assisting with expenses

Why? What was the reason you were compelled to do this?

In class,

Don't discuss academics. The reviewer wants to know what sort of relationship you have with your classmates beyond the classroom. Social skills in a controlled setting such as a school will help determined your preparedness for college.


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