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"resources available in the College of arts and sciences" -Cornell

gjp11 1 / 1  
Nov 13, 2010   #1
Just found this site and I want to see what people think

Prompt: College of Arts and Sciences:
Describe your intellectual interests, their evolution, and what makes them exciting to you. Tell us how you will utilize the academic programs in the College of Arts and Sciences to further explore your interests, intended major, or field of study.

Also there is a 500 word limit and I am currently at 500 words.

Since I was a young child I always felt an inclination to learn new things, to explore the unknown. Even today I find myself watching television with a computer nearby so I can delve deeper into topics I find interesting. My tendency to learn about new things has allowed me to absorb an exponential amount of information on different subjects. However even as a young child, I always devoted a little more time, a little more effort into the subject that intrigued me the most. That subject is astronomy.

I remember in middle school the first chapter I opened to in my science textbook the moment I received it was the chapter on space. The teacher usually began with cells, elements, or rocks and left the space part for last. I already knew what a cell was what an element was and honestly rocks were just rocks to me. However the space chapter seemed far more interesting and I truly enjoyed what I was reading. To me, Mars was more than the next planet in the solar system. It was a planet that could have sustained life at one point. It was a planet that had canyons and channels that could have once had the waters of life flowing freely and abundantly. I suppose all subjects such as the cell and rocks could be appreciated with the intensity that I have for astronomy, but I will leave the beauty of the cell to Biology majors.

Earlier I mentioned my interest in learning new things, my proverbial "thirst for knowledge". I believe this is why I appreciate astronomy so much. We live in a universe where so much is unknown. There is an infinite amount of knowledge beyond our planet, an infinite amount of discoveries to be made. Some of it is within our reach and some humanity may never discover or comprehend. This is the beauty of our universe. It is limitless. My "thirst for knowledge" will neither be fully quenched nor leave my intellect in any way parched.

How will I employ the resources available to me in the College of arts and sciences? It may seem quite blunt, but my answer is in every way imaginable. Cornell University has an astounding amount of astronomical resources. In fact I have witnessed first-hand the technology Cornell University employs in its research. Two years ago I visited the Arecibo Observatory in Puerto Rico which is run by Cornell University. At Cornell I will utilize all of resources such as the Arecibo Observatory to help the entire astronomical community. In science we must all work together as one body of knowledge and I plan to contribute as much as possible.

My intellectual interests have evolved in such a way that has allowed me to truly pinpoint what I want to do in life. The programs at Cornell will allow me to study my passion. They will allow me to devote my life to the study of the vast unknown world beyond Earth.

snarkie 1 / 1  
Nov 13, 2010   #2
As a young child might be a better way to start. Also, later in the first paragraph you refer to your tendency to learn new things, this is a good direction to go in but tendency may not be the best word. I suggest something more like, propensity for learning or perhaps just a desire to learn new things. However even as a young child , I always devoted a little more time, a little more effort into the subject that intrigued me the most,. That subject is astronomy.

The first few sentences of the second paragraph sound a bit awkward and choppy, especially the first sentence. The second sentence might be better if you added a word like "Unfortunately" to the beginning. The second half of this paragraph is lovely, I quite like it.

The third paragraph is good.

Maybe expand the fourth paragraph a bit and elaborate.

The little conclusion paragraph is unnecessary.

Overall, you did a nice job describing your interest but you only touched upon their evolution.
Elaborate on what sparked your interest maybe? If it was the middle school textbook make that more clear.

Good luck!
OP gjp11 1 / 1  
Nov 14, 2010   #3
Thanks a lot for the help! everything you said made perfect sense. Ill continue to work on it
Jctherdythree 2 / 4  
Nov 14, 2010   #4
There are a bit too many "I"s and "me"s in this paper. True, it is your story, but it becomes a bit redundant to read
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,334 129  
Nov 24, 2010   #5
Since I was a young child I always

You have some redundant words here... it might be better not to include "always," because you used "since."

If you make the whole first para all about liking to learn new things and research them, etc., then it is really a theme that anyone could use... anyone could claim to have this energy for learning... but you can distinguish yourself if you make the first para focus on astronomy, not the theme of liking to learn new things.

I like the anecdote about middle school!

But this should be replaced: Earlier I mentioned my interest in learning new things, my proverbial "thirst for knowledge". I believe this is why I appreciate astronomy so much. All this stuff... it adds nothing new to the essay. For every para you write, make sure the reader has a distinct experience. How about replacing it with some references to serious articles and books you have recently read about astronomy...


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