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Short essay response - Extracurricular Activity - "My Beautiful Windows"

ItsokaytoGaga 15 / 96  
Nov 26, 2011   #1
Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (1000 character maximum).

I grab my notebooks, my dictionary and pack my bag. Then off I go! Every day, it's a new battle; I stumble upon new words and phrases and an entirely new way of looking at life. Learning a language is like starting to walk the first time - moving one step at a time, patiently yet inquisitively.

Newton said, "Light is a beam of particles" but Huygens said, "Light is a wave". Later, Einstein said "Light is both particle and wave". Our learning would have stagnated had we seen things through a singular perspective. Could I allow myself to view the world and experience it through a single window? Every time I comprehend a difficult, unfamiliar set of words or a text, I feel like an Explorer probing deeper into unknown realms. The more I keep learning, the more I provoke the Explorer within me to go further. And the treasure that awaits me is - a beautiful array of windows that will give me a panoramic outlook on life.

It's a little less than 1000 characters, so I guess word limit isn't the problem. Please tell me what you think of it. I'm open to suggestions and constructive criticism.

Thank for reading!! :)
iamthebist - / 3  
Nov 26, 2011   #2
It is absolutely well written! But I didn't get what extra curricular activity or work experience you described in this short essay. It would be good if you could explicitly write about the activity you're writing about.
OP ItsokaytoGaga 15 / 96  
Nov 26, 2011   #3
Thanks! I did mention! Probably, I didn't grab the reader's notice. I'm talking about of learning a new language (line 2)... I think I'll make amends so it's clearer. Thanks for pointing it out! :)
cstephanie41 3 / 11  
Nov 26, 2011   #4
This is well written and a good piece but it is crucial to put more emphasis on the fact that you are learning a new language. Maybe even specify what language that is. Good job though.
karan11295 5 / 42  
Nov 26, 2011   #5
It is very nicely written. Just put the name of the language which you learnt so that the EC sounds real and non-generic. Also I don't think the 'e' in explorer should be capitalized. And although I may be nitpicking here, seeing through many windows wouldn't be like a panoramic view. I dunno the exact word but I think it is referred to as mosaic vision. Panoramic view is just a wide angle view.

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