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Short Response Questions (2 goals, difficult situation): Stevenson Uni

xxkixzplayaxx 4 / 10  
Feb 4, 2009   #1
please help me to improve it and give some suggestions. i have terrible grammer. please help
Thank You

1 What are 2 goals that you have for yourself? what efforts have you made or will you make to accomplish these goals?

I have two goals that for my self. My first goal is to become a military officer. I will join ROTC program to learn army commands, to be more self-confidence and discipline for my self. My second goal is to pay back everything what my parents have done for me through out the years. My parents work at least 11 hours a day or more to pay the bills, to buy my clothes and food. It is very unfair for them to just work for their lives up on me. To accomplish these goals, I will continue studying at college to farer my education.

2 Describe a situation where things were working against you. how did you handle the situation and what did you learn about yourself? be sure to mention if there was anyone you turned to for help and what role they played.

A situation where things were working against me was when I use to work at McDonald's. One day, my manager called me to work for other co-worker who couldn't work that day. I already had a plan with my friends but I decide to go to work to show my loyalty to So I canceled the plan with my friends even though I didn't wanted to. About an hour later at work, my manager thanked me that I came to work when she needed me. So she let me get off work early and I get to go and self with my friends. I learned that I always can't do what ever I want and making a wise choice is very important through my life.

3 Describe a time when you were having trouble in school. when did you realize you were having trouble? where did you go for help?

A time when I had trouble in school was when I received a call from my mother's doctor that she has 90 percent chance of having cancer. My family never expected her to have cancer because she's always energetic, loud, and joyful. This tragic news had huge impact on me. I couldn't focus on my school work, nor after school activities. My mother's doctor scheduled for final check up and the result was surprising. My Mother did not have cancer. I usually talk to my best friend about my concerns and I did tell about my mother's health. My best friend did help me a lot settling my mood and keeping my mind off of the sadness. I believe Having friends is one of the luckiest thing that I can have.

4 descrive at least 2 examples of your involvement and /or leadership experience in school or community activities.

I have participated in extracurricular activity such as varsity lacrosse and I also have traveled with my church members to Dominican Republic to help homeless people. Not only did sport and community service strengthen me physically and mentally, but they also had taught me how to be disciplined, how to work together as a team, and most importantly, those have taught me about commitment. After I have been to Dominican Republic and facing the other side of the world, I became more immature.

5 why do you feel you will do well at steveson university? what do you think you can contribute to the stevenson community?

I believe I will do well at Stevenson University because I am a diligent learner. I have a strong academic interest in military and architect. I left my hometown, South Korea, to study in United States of America at the age of 10. Initially I had a hard time fitting in. I had to manage English and learn how to live in a multicultural society. But now, I have made many terrific friends and managed English. I grew a sense of mutual respect towards other races. I hope to bring the respect to Stevenson University and also hope to add to the diversity of Stevenson University.

EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Feb 4, 2009   #2
Some more fixes:

"I learned that I can't always do what ever I want, and that making a wise choiceswould be very important throughout my life."

"A time when I had trouble in school was when I received a call from my mother's doctor told me that she had a 90 percent chance of having cancer."

"I hope to bring this respect to Stevenson University"
KeonYe 6 / 17  
Feb 6, 2009   #3
Maybe you can try different ways of starting each response
Q: Describe a time when you were having trouble in school..
A: A time when I had trouble in school was when I received..
It might seem a little boring when you begin all responses in the same way :)

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