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"responsibilities and opportunities" - Why Brown?

Gummiebaer 3 / 9  
Dec 28, 2009   #1
Could somebody please give me some feedback on my Why Brown essay?
Also its too long, so any suggestions on how to cut it are welcomed!
Thank you!

... Brown's mission statement, its sociology program, its environmental awareness, its Social Innovation Initiative, its notably active Swearer Center...

I could go on an on listing what makes me believe that Brown is the perfect college match for me, but there is one reason which I want to point out especially: The fact that Brown would give me the opportunity and responsibility to shape my own education. I have come to belief that the most valuable education I can receive is the education I obtain because of my own incentive, curiosity and passion.

Attending Brown would give me the opportunity, to continue to explore what I am really interested in. I see Brown as an open-ending challenge; a school that gives it students responsibilities and opportunities; a community that I could contribute to but that would at the same time provide space for me to grow intellectual and personal.

I want to go to a school, where students are enthusiastic about their school and I believe Brown is such a place. Talking to current students the statement "Brown is what you make of it." was something I heard over and over again and I believe I am ready to take on the challenge to make the most out of it.
spacerelay 3 / 19  
Dec 28, 2009   #2
Hi great job with this essay!

However, I have come to belief that the most should be changed to believe.

Also you used opportunities a lot, is there a way to change that?

Hey if you get the chance can you help me with mine?

Thanks :)
and good luck with Brown!
srandhawa 10 / 157  
Dec 28, 2009   #3
you say the same things everybody says about brown, its a free school, it allows you to what you want, you even acknowledge this in your essay, i have heard repeatedly that brown is what you make of it, think about how many thousands of people are going to say this. I realize the essay has to be really short, im applying to brown also, but even though the writing is solid, this is going to be like thousands of other why brown essays they will get, try to think of somethign unique that applies to you that makes brown such a good fit for you, not some broad idea of oh i have freedom to shape my own education, that doesnt really say much of anything. Good luck, sorry if this is harsh, but there are so many things about brown, talking about the liberal ways and the ability to shape your own education is the easy way out.

If you get a chance could you take a look at my penn essay and help me find ways to shorten it

btw, i like the intro, although the last one you listed was a little confusing/awkwardish, dont know if you really need it.

one other thing, do you know how applying w/ brown works, if im interested in bio but dont want to apply to PLME, is there still like a college of arts and sciences to apply to. Or, if i apply for engineering, does that mean i have to go to that school if i get in as oppose to getting to go to any other school, like a college of arts and science, like it is for most other schools? Or is it like a sep. application like PLME, you can get into brown but not into PLME? Its confusing, nowhere on the application does it say where your applying, it only says mark here if your applying to this special program, know what i mean? If I just want to apply to like a arts and sciences school, do i have to mark anything, is there any extra essay for that like there is for engineering, PLME and a couple others? Thanks alot
OP Gummiebaer 3 / 9  
Dec 28, 2009   #4
I am sorry, but I have do not know the answer to your question.
Thanks for your comment though... you are right. Right now, I just do not know what else I could write.
Could you take a look at my: Why do you want to study...? I take a look at you essay in a second! Thanks!

I have questions. Many questions. Questions that I cannot get out of my head, they seem to live there like little creatures, constantly reminding me that they are waiting to be answered. On my way finding those answers, I have come to the realization that my questions origins all lie in the same place. In sociology - in the understanding of human group behavior, social organization, culture and society. I want to understand the origin of social problems, the causes of social change, my place in society and how it has influenced me and will in the future.

It is as simple as that, but it is the truth. I just want to find answers.
poisonivy 14 / 102  
Dec 28, 2009   #5
This is a good writing but doesnt stand out. Why? Because you are telling them why Brown is a good university, not why it is a good university for you.

If the open curriculum is what you are most attracted to, then say why it is so for you. (You could say specifically what courses do you intend to take, that the open curriculum allows you that the curriculum of another uni. doesnt)

On the other hand, you could always talk about sth else: related to your intended major, giving reasons and details why Brown is excellent in X department.

I would appreciate your help in my posts, if you can :)
(check my profile)
JunieGe 1 / 4  
Dec 28, 2009   #7
I thought this essay was well thought out.
OP Gummiebaer 3 / 9  
Dec 28, 2009   #8
Okay, I gave it another try...
Please see under: Why Brown Essay

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