Responsibility is something I have had to face my whole life. My parents were both juniors in high school when I was born, even younger than I am now. Faced with the challenge of having a baby, my mom was able to graduate high school, have a job, and still provide for me. She was and still is a hardworking parent and has created the foundation for me as a person to strive for my best no matter how hard life may seem to be. Seeing how hard my mom worked, made me see that I now have a responsibility to get the best education I can, a luxury my parents did not have, so that I can make them proud of all of their hard work and sacrifice. With this, I will be the first person in my immediate family to go to college. Taking on the heavy responsibility at a young age of what was expected of me to become successful, I believe I can use these experiences in my college career as well. The realization of what my life could have been, motivated me to achieve great things and be the person I am today.
A couple years ago, while I was talking with my father, he began to explain recent struggles in his life. He then told me that he was gay. Although I was shocked, I reassured him that I still loved him just as much as I always had, and told him I would always be there for him when he needed me. In the world we live in today, some people are not always accepting of other's life choices and in some cases, this kind of news could mentally and emotionally hurt a person. However, I have always been taught that acceptance and love is most important, and despite that information, I was able to continue excelling in school as well as my social life.
To me, the greatest calling of a citizen is being accepting and loving thy neighbor. I have always carried that with me throughout my life. I accepted my dad as he was and that is very important to me. I believe taking this ideal with me to college will not only benefit my life, but others around me as well. In addition to acceptance and tolerance, I have many other qualities to bring the University of Florida; I have a great sense of leadership, determination, and a strive for success in all that I undertake. During school projects, I am always the one to step up and make our group the most successful in whatever we need to do. I like to bring out the qualities in people that, if not pushed, otherwise would not accomplish.
In my life so far, I have dealt with circumstances that are not commonly faced by most teenagers. However, I have always been able to adapt and am determined to make the best out of whatever my life throws at me and I have the ability to do so. Words can only say so much about a person, which is why I would love the opportunity to show the Gator Nation what I am capable of.
Can someone look this over and tell me what they think?
Great job with your paper :) I think that you have done well with this. I would re-read it and see if you can make it a bit less "wordy" I picked out a few lines that could use some adjustments. these are some minor suggestions, in case you want to change your wording. I wish you the best in school :)
Faced with the challenge of having a baby, my mom was able to graduate high school, have a job, and stillalways provide for me.
She was and still is a hardworking parent,and haswho created the foundation for me as a person to strive for my bestsuccess, no matter how hardchallenging life may seem to be.
Seeing how hard my mom worked,My mother's work ethicmade me seetaught me that I am now have aresponsible to getobtain the best possible education.I can, aThis was a luxury that my parents did not have, so that I canam determined to make them proud of all of their hard work and sacrifice.
Thank you very much for your input, I'm using it to edit my essay!
:)
Can someone else take another look at my essay and tell me what to fix
In the world we live in today, some people are not always accepting of other's life choiceslifestyles and in some cases, this kind of news could mentally and emotionally hurt a person.
However, I have always been taught that acceptance and love is most important, and despite that information, I was able to continue excelling in school as well as my social life.
To me, the greatest calling ofA citizen's greatest responsibility is beingto be accepting and loving thy neighbor.
I accepted my dad as he was and that is very important to meI am proud of my ability to take this in stride.
Words can only say so much about a person, which is why I would love the opportunity to show the Gator Nation what I am capable of.
I would suggest adding a sentence about responsibility at the end here, in order to connect to the beginning of your essay. Nice work!
