This is a really rough draft. Any critique would be very useful. There is one word missing from the second line in the second paragraph and I am unsure of what word/words to use in that space. Thank you for looking at my essay, also if you critique mine I will also critique yours.
What is your intended major? Discuss how your interest in the subject developed and describe any experience you have had in the field - such as volunteer work, internships and employment, participation in student organizations and activities - and what you have gained from your involvement.
The San Juaquin river has always been an intriguing place to me. I have been visiting the river since I was a young child. My father noticed that I had a love for animals and nature at a young age and would take me to the San Juaquin river to observe the natural wildlife, giving me more of an experience than watching neighborhood squirrells running up and down pine trees. With each visit to the river I got to observe the different forms of nature taking place; the rushing river, the growing fauna and flora, the abundant animal life, etc. and began to be amazed by the environment around me. Each adventure to the river would bring new and exciting sights, just getting to see the different bird species that chose the San Juaquin river as a resting place while migrating South left me in anticipation for our next trip. I soon began to learn how important the San Juaquin River is, how it offers a habitat to many species and is an essential part of life to the San Juaquin Valley. The San Juaquin River brings many cultural and natural resources to the Central Valley, including water from the Sierra Nevada moutains. It is the main source of water to the Central Valley's large agricultural system, the valley's main industry. The rivers complexity and importance continued to amazed me. However as I grew older I began to observe the river more closely, noticing the trash and debris silently collecting on the river banks.
My desire to help protect and restore the river from led me to volunteer at the San Juaquin River Parkway and Conservation Trust as a River Steward. River Stewards are volunteers who help maintain the San Juaquin River Parkway by picking up trash and debris in and around the river, cleaning trails, removing invading exotic plants, and restoring the river's natural habitat. Many people visit the San Jouquin River each year, however many fail to recognize that the river and its surrounding environment are under threat by the litter and trash surrounding it. Trash and debris threaten the river, clogging its channels, and killing animal and plant life. The negative effects of humans can easily be seen at the river; rusty box springs and old mattresses thrown into the river clog the river beds, discarded fish hooks, fishing lines ,and plastic six pack holders act as cruel killing devices to animal species, while chemicals from trash and debris poison the plants and the local ecosystem . Armed with black trash bags, gloves, and garbage clamps River Stewards fight to reverse the negative impacts by other humans. By picking up trash and debris around the river I am ensuring the river will continue to be a habitat for natural wildlife, and will continue to bring it's many resources to the Central Valley.
Volunteering at the river made me realize that protecting the environment and the world around me is an essential part of my life. It has made me want to continue to reverse the negative impact humans have had on the environmment and to restore the worlds natural ecology. I know that by volunteering at the San Juaquin River Parkway and Conservation Trust I have made a small impact by helping to restore the river, but my desire is to make more of a positive impact on the world's environment. By learning how to reverse the negative impact humans have had on the environment I would be able to help restore the natural order of the biosphere. The Univeresity of California system offers the knowledge that I need to aquire in order to do so in the Environmental Studies major.
...giving me more of an experience than I would have had, watching neighborhood squirrels running up and down pine trees.
... left me in anticipation of our next trip.
...including water from the Sierra Nevada mountains .
My desire to help protect and restore the river from led me to volunteer at
... the negative impact humans have had on the environment and to restore the worlds natural ecology.
The University of California system offers the knowledge that I need to acquire in order to do so in the Environmental Studies major.
Thank you for reviewing my essay, I will fix these grammatical errors. Do you have any other suggestions that would improve my essay, including sentences that may be fragmented wrong?
Thank you!
