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"The results for HIV are positive" - Issue of importance essay


karlayad 3 / 8  
Sep 18, 2010   #1
She can still hear the baby crying. Two hours of sleep, school in three and a research paper due in five more. She has yet to finish the rest of her homework and the baby has yet to stop crying. Five more minutes of sleep dreaming about the crying baby, the dirty dippers, and the mess of baby food; she think is all a bad dream. The baby daddy is out and about with zero responsibilities and her friends preparing for out of state college. "Wake up", she hears. Is her mother, "Baby Jayden is hungry and you have to get ready for school." Her breasts are sore, her head is pumping, and the baby is still crying. She wakes up, breast feeds, showers, and off to high school she goes. She is a good kid, a 17 year old teenage girl with straight A's and a future on hold. Her friends are preparing for college while she stays behind in high school one more year. Her parents are divorced and she never met her father. She was just looking for love, a male personality to guide her.

There is this other young lady, a sophomore in the same school. She is the trouble maker. She is known for her bad reputation and all the attractive guys behind her. She is sick, vomits every day. "Come in", the doctor said. "I am afraid I have bad news". "The results for HIV are positive; fortunately you came in time and there are many treatments nowadays." It has been two months since then. She feels exhausted. Her body hurts. The medications are too strong. She does not want to go to school any more. Her last boyfriend got it too and her friend is sick as well. They do not want to tell anybody. They are afraid. She has a couple of years left. She did not listen to the doctor, she did not care. She was depressed. No more school for her. Her hair is falling; she coughs, and vomits every day. Why didn't she use protection, why her?

We live in the 21st century and we have yet to come to a solution to pre-marital sex, teenage pregnancy, and HIV. It can happen to anyone, the nerd of the class, the football quarter back, the singer from church. Sex is for everyone. What a controversial issue this is that people are still afraid to address it. Speak up. Parents talk to your teenagers about protection and consequences. Schools do the same. This is not a matter to keep to ourselves; this is a matter to the world.

How many more kids having kids do we need to take this issue into account? My best friend got pregnant at 15 years of age. My neighbor, 18 years old, has two baby boys. Half of my middle school classmates had a baby before graduating high school. 10% had a sexually transmitted disease. Another 20% did not finish high school or did not go to college. Most of them are house wives by the time they turn of legal age.

This is an important issue to me. It has a great impact in my career decision. I want to take part in helping individuals like these. I have seen friends struggle with this issue ever since I turned 15. It did not happen to me but it happened to my loved ones. I have baby sit for them and I know what a struggle it is to balance studies, work, and taking care of a baby. It is a full time job with endless responsibilities. This issue has been traveling with me all these years which is why I want to make a difference and prevent it. Stopping teenage pregnancy, HIV, and STDS, will make more leaders in the future. Preventive health will stop teenagers from being parents at a young age or dealing with deadly diseases and start leading teenagers into the work force. These teenagers could have been our future doctors, lawyers, nurses, or teachers. Why stop your life before you turn 18? Why not start it?


Thank you for reading my essay and giving me your feedback.
iceui2 - / 70  
Sep 19, 2010   #2
I love the idea behind this essay. The first anecdote was very powerful.

With that said, I think you should focus much more on why this issue is important to you. You only touched upon it briefly in the last paragraph. The following is unnecessary since the admission officers want to hear about you : "This is an important issue to me, as it should be to you "

Normally, this kind of topic is very risky to write. But if you polish it a bit more and bring more of your own experience into it, it can be a very touching essay. Best of luck.
OP karlayad 3 / 8  
Sep 19, 2010   #3
I did not change it much because I honestly do not know exactly what to bring of my own experiences, but can you please give me your feedback on what I did change.

Thank you
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Sep 20, 2010   #4
check spelling:
the dirty dippers
diapers

quarterback

You did a great job with this... it is a powerful essay. My favorite sentence is "Speak up."

Use commas:
Parents, talk to your teenagers about protection and consequences. Schools, do the same.
kitt34 - / 3  
Sep 24, 2010   #5
this essay is very well written
i had been through that experince with my love one.
i really like it
good luck with the college application


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