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"I Don't Do It For the Resume"--UT issue of importance


jsphillips93 3 / 8  
Nov 29, 2010   #1
I'm looking for a tough critique on this one. I am, of course, open to any and all suggestions however big or small. I know the first paragraph needs work as it was originally intended to be somewhat satirical...

Topic B: optional (no essay on file)
Choose an issue of importance to you-the issue could be personal, school related, local, political, or international in scope-and write an essay in which you explain the significance of that issue to yourself, your family, your community, or your generation.


I'm a man of many talents, skills, and qualifications. The SAT and I were in perfect harmony in October as I achieved a perfect score. For the past three years, I've been a leader on the varsity baseball, basketball, and track teams. Most will describe me as compassionate as I dedicate my spare time to volunteering at a local homeless shelter. This past summer, I secured an internship with a local Congressman with hopes of one day being in his shoes. I've been studiously playing the violin for eight years now, all of which I spent in my school's orchestra.

"Y'all are just doing these things, so you'll look good to colleges."

In mid-December of my sophomore year, my friends and I were sitting around a campfire casually talking about school and life in general. Whenever school or college came up, the conversation generally went like this:

"It's so boring, but the teacher really likes me so I'll figure they'll write a good recommendation letter...plus being in it for four years looks really good to colleges-otherwise I'd have quit by now."

By no means am I arguing that volunteering to help others or being a leader in one's community is a horrid concept, but doing so without the genuine drive is an atrocity.

The yearning to be a leader on your team shouldn't come from your desire to look that much better on paper, nor should your dedication to serving others come from your yearning to have that many more volunteer hours. No, these acts should be performed because you receive a sense of satisfaction from helping others, leading others, from being an individual not driven by the grind of society.

My friends are decimated by this grind. They sacrifice their social lives, their sanity, and their friendships to have the time to build their resumes. Not me though. Thankfully, I took a step back and realized the twisted nature of their habits.

I volunteer. I am a team captain. I didn't make a perfect score on my SAT, but I came close. I do all this because I want to. I want to be the one my teammates look to when the game's on the line. I want to eyes widen as I hand the homeless man on the corner the apple from my lunch. I want to see the power of giving as families sit down to eat a free Thanksgiving meal. Everything I am, and everything I ever will be, is the result of what I want-not the result of what I think looks good on paper.
kate_47 2 / 4  
Nov 29, 2010   #2
I really love your last sentence, and I believe you. Its hard for someone to convey that they truly care about volunteering at our age, but your passion really shows :)

I didn't understand the first paragraph as satirical, so I think you need to work on that or I just missed the point. Did you really score a perfect score on the SAT and did you really intern for a Congressman? It's hard to tell what you really mean because it could all be sarcasm.

Other than that I would develop your middle paragraphs or combine them so it doesn't feel so choppy.

Hope this helps!
justpeachy15 1 / 4  
Nov 29, 2010   #3
I want to eyes widen

it would probably sound better if you switched eyes and to:

I want eyes to widen


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