Would you guys please give me some feedback on my rice university supplement essay? I would greatly appreciate it!
Are You From Around Here?
My family's background in Latin America can be traced back seventy-seven years, when my great-grandpa moved his family to the Andes Mountains of Bolivia for his job as Swedish consulate. My mormor, or mother's mother in English, grew up immersed in the unique and isolated culture of the Quechua Kallawaya Native Americans of the Bolivian highlands. Naturally, my mormor had plenty of stories to share with her grandchildren sixty years later, so I grew up hearing about her adventures on a regular basis. Her stories and pictures mesmerized me from an early age, and it is because of her that I cultivated a love and passion for Latin America from an early age. This passion has stayed close to my heart, shaping the person I am today, the person I hope to become, and the person I know will enrich the unique academic environment at William Marsh Rice University.
From the age of four until the age of nine, I constantly pleaded with my parents to take us on a mission trip to Bolivia. I was eager to make friends with the Quechua children I had heard my mormor speak fondly of. I have never been able to visit the Bolivian highlands, but at age nine my parents decided to take my three sisters and me to Calhuitz, Guatemala for a three month summer mission trip. In Calhuitz, my dad assisted with the construction of a church and dormitories, while my mom and sisters helped in the local schools and health clinic. I was shuffled between the construction site and the health clinic because I was not able to help much at either site. Most days, I ended up running around with my new friends who I communicated with through body language and pointing. Toward the end of the trip, I was able to understand my friends' Spanish and communicate in broken, gringo Spanglish. Those three months transformed me and my family. Even through my nine year old's eyes I understood that the people of AcuĂąa were extraordinarily special. They were able to experience true joy in the midst of utter poverty. The only thing they needed to survive was love.
I was restless after returning home from Calhuitz. I tried, with the persistence of a nine year old, to persuade my parents to let us move to Calhuitz permanently. I had adopted the culture of the Guatemalan town as my own, and began to resent the culture of the United States. After being back in school for a few months, I was settled back into the routine of American life. I started to realize that I would have to love Calhuitz from afar and wait patiently to return in the future.
This past July, after almost nine years of googling pictures of the Guatemalan highlands and waiting to return to Calhuitz, I finally received my chance. Last December, I learned about an organization for high school students interested in medicine called the Global Public Service Academy that would be operating out of Calhuitz. I applied and was accepted to the program. For four weeks I assisted with vaccinating the Mayan people, taught health education in the local schools, constructed smokeless stoves, and worked in the health clinic. Returning to Calhuitz equipped to serve instead of run around and play was a wonderful experience that I hope to repeat many times in the future.
As an undergraduate student, I hope to further my education in a way that will allow me to continue serving Native Americans in Latin America. Majoring in Hispanic Studies would help me accomplish this goal. But attending university is not just about what one student gains from the experience; it is also about what that student can do while attending university to cultivate an academic environment which benefits his peers. As a student at Rice University, I would share with my professors and fellow students my unique cross-cultural understanding that has resulted from being a Swede with extensive experience with service work in Latin America, and whose family has adopted many of the aspects of Latin American culture.
It's really an attractive story. And for Rice I think it hits the home. However, I do hold my opinion that it could be more attractive based on your story. Maybe you can delete some unnecessary or lengthy instructions and write more about your own unique feelings. Maybe just about how you think of the case and what you really want to do. Anyway, well done! Best luck!
It's really an attractive story. And for Rice I think it hits the home. However, I do hold my opinion that it could be more attractive based on your story. Maybe you can delete some unnecessary or lengthy instructions and write more about your own unique feelings. Maybe just about how you think of the case and what you really want to do. Anyway, well done! Best luck!
