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"returning to my life of academia" - Rochester curriculum 150 words


Anonymoussenior 17 / 133  
Dec 30, 2010   #1
The Rochester Curriculum - University of Rochester students enroll with no required subjects as they design their own college path. Write about the subjects and learning situations that interest you most, and how you intend to use your autonomy here.

"Wake up Amanda, it's 8:30, we are going to be late for class" I yell on the way out the dorm. Winding my way through the corridors, I race across the quad to make it to my first class, Beginning American Sign Language I at 9 o' clock. Dismissed at 9:50, I make a quick stop at Starbucks before I am off to study Cell & Molecular Foundations. With my morning classes complete, I settle in for lunch at The...

After edits:

Science and math have always been my favorite subjects, due to their anomalies and their ability to explain every concept known to man. A Rochester education would allow me to explore my passion in these subjects as well as grant me access to renowned educators, the latest technological advances, and a plethora of research opportunities. With an optional free fifth year, I could fully experience all that U of R has to offer academically across each school. At Rochester, I could witness the world's most powerful fusion laser in action or volunteer my time at the university hospital. The world is my playing field at Rochester, and I look forward to learning, envisioning and exploring all subjects of academia.

I don't think it really fits the prompt but I am open to ideas/ improvements. Should I scrap this essay and start over? Also it's too long I need to cut like 30- 40 words.

Thank you
esin 2 / 7  
Dec 30, 2010   #2
Kinda sounds like im reading your daily routine. Make it more of a story.
OP Anonymoussenior 17 / 133  
Dec 30, 2010   #3
what about relation to the prompt? I can see how it sounds like I am listing my schedule, but I am listing courses to show the autonomy I have in selecting randome courses and having no required classes. If you have any ideas on how to improve this essay and make it storylike and flow please let me know. Should I add more about the autonomy?
OP Anonymoussenior 17 / 133  
Dec 30, 2010   #4
This is the worst essay of my life but I can't for the life of me think of how to make it better. I have writers block so any help would be greatly appreciated.
em2always 15 / 79  
Dec 30, 2010   #5
ditch this. it wants to know about the subject and situations that interest you. not what classes you will take at u of r that you havent tried yet. it just dont go wit the prompt. not bad writing though. i would say talk about the classes you like know and how you cant wait to further your knowledge at u of r then get specific and do some name dropoing of classeslike u did. good luck!

please check out my stuff 2
esin 2 / 7  
Dec 30, 2010   #6
yeah. i say scrap it. rather write about your personal learning style. How do you learn? Why do u learn that way? What at Roch can help u learn that way? And what's ur plan at Roch?
OP Anonymoussenior 17 / 133  
Dec 30, 2010   #7
Ignore the current essay, I will post a completely new answer to the prompt in an hour or so.
TheFreeMason11 6 / 54  
Dec 30, 2010   #8
At U of R Rochester, I could witness the world's most powerful fusion laser in action or volunteer my time at the university hospital. The world is my playing field at Rochester love this , with the autonomy to express my personality, and opinion freely.

Better than before. I would advise you don't start both of your last sentences with "At U of R," not because of the contraction, but because it sounds monotonous.
alexis brandon 17 / 44  
Dec 30, 2010   #9
due to their variability in topics and the ability to use either subject to explain every concept known to man.

for some reason this does not make since to me I feel like the thought is not complete. Maybe it is just too wordy

these subject areas through access to renowned educators
both of these subject areas while linking me to renowned educators...

plenty of research to get involved in
plenty of research opportunities (I don't think you should end a sentence with a preposition)

I like this one better.
OP Anonymoussenior 17 / 133  
Dec 30, 2010   #10
I did more editing. 117 words

Science and math have always been my favorite subjects due to their anomalies and their ability to explain every concept known to man. A Rochester education would allow me to explore my passion in these subjects, as well as, grant...

At U of R, I look forward to learning, envisioning and exploring all subjects of academia.- sould I cut this or leave it at the end?
OP Anonymoussenior 17 / 133  
Dec 30, 2010   #11
need help with the last sentence of my rewrite.
TheFreeMason11 6 / 54  
Dec 30, 2010   #12
Well, I like it when you said the world was your playing field, maybe take that and the last half of your final sentence?
Also,

A Rochester education would allow me to explore my passion in these subjects, as well as, grant me access to...

I think those commas are unnecessary.
YK1 2 / 20  
Dec 31, 2010   #14
no comma after "subjects" (1st sentence)

(their ability to explain every concept known to man.)<--just like alexis brandon says, this part doesn't fit right for me. I think it's too ambiguous and generic.

(With an optional free fifth year, I could fully experience all that U of R has to offer academically across each school. At Rochester, I could witness the world's most powerful fusion laser in action or volunteer my time at the university hospital.)<--This part is great

For the other sentences too, try explaining what about Rochester interests you (eg. is there a specific program you're interested in?) Go more in-depth on what field in science or math you're trying to explore at Rochester.

I love (The world is my playing field at Rochester). A powerful phrase--perhaps leave that as your concluding sentence
OP Anonymoussenior 17 / 133  
Dec 31, 2010   #15
Thanks. More editing please. I will read your essay if you read mine. only 117 words.
OP Anonymoussenior 17 / 133  
Dec 31, 2010   #16
Edit my final draft please I will edit your essay in return.
OP Anonymoussenior 17 / 133  
Dec 31, 2010   #17
Help I want to get this essay done so that I can move on to my other essays due today. I will read your essay as well. (only 117 words)
CrimeanGurl 1 / 17  
Jan 1, 2011   #18
I really don't see much you can improve about it. It does not sound as enthusiastic as the one about NU, but, I guess, this is due to the fact that they don't give applicants enough room to bring enthusiasm across.

I agree with the previous poster that you should get rid of the comma after "subjects" in the first sentence and that you should use "the world is my playing field..." as the last sentence. Maybe just break the last sentence into two: "I look forward to learning, envisioning and exploring all subjects of academia. The world is my playing field at Rochester." or "At Rochester, the world is my playing field."
OP Anonymoussenior 17 / 133  
Jan 1, 2011   #20
New Edited Version

Science and math have always been my favorite subjects due to their complexity. A Rochester education [...] or volunteer my time at the university hospital. I look forward to learning, envisioning and exploring all subjects of academia. The world is my playing field at the University of Rochester.
turntablespp 6 / 41  
Jan 1, 2011   #21
A Rochester education would allow me to explore my passion in these subjects, as well as grant me access to renowned educators, the latest technological advances, and a plethora of research opportunities.

I look forward to learning, envisioning and exploring all subjects of the academia.

NICEEE! can you read my u penn essay in return its due in an hour for me!!!!!!
kevin1393 2 / 3  
Jan 1, 2011   #22
Science and math have always been my favorite subjects due to their complexity(might be hard to explain but, this sentence is too telly and not showy enough, granted the word cap).

besides that
great essay, very specific
bluebox - / 2  
Jan 1, 2011   #23
You wrote "Science and math have always been my favorite subjects" and "explore my passion in these subjects"

Then you go on to say you desire to "explore all subjects of academia".

I would also change "At Rochester, I could witness the world's" to something like "At Rochester, I will witness the world's most powerful fusion laser in action and also be able to provide care at the university hospital."
OP Anonymoussenior 17 / 133  
Jan 1, 2011   #24
Can someone help me fix the first sentence to help improve the essay.
bluebox - / 2  
Jan 1, 2011   #25
I would forgo actually explaining why they're your favorite subjects. Instead perhaps "Science and math have always been my favorite subjects throughout my high school career "
OP Anonymoussenior 17 / 133  
Jan 1, 2011   #26
Science and math have always been my favorite subjects to study. A Rochester education would allow me to explore my passion for these subjects, as well as grant me access to renowned educators, the latest technological advances, and a plethora of research opportunities. With an optional free fifth year, I could fully experience all that U of R has to offer academically and devise a schedule of classes within my interested field. At Rochester, I will witness the world's most powerful fusion laser in action and also be able to provide care at the university hospital. The world is my playing field at the University of Rochester, where I look forward to learning, envisioning and exploring all subjects of academia.


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