Alright my essay is a little longer than I'd like it to be, so it'd help if you could suggest things that could be condensed or that don't fit.
Also, I'd like to know if i went deep enough into how my experience affected me, or what I should do to make it better?
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?
I am in the locker room of my high school, sitting down on the bench, leaning forward with my elbows on my knees, eyes closed, and headphones in my ears. I've just finished warming up, and any second now I'll be called out of the locker room and into the gym to face my opponent on the wrestling mat. I feel sick and nervous, and I start wondering how I got here, into this situation in the first place. I think back to the beginning.
The day after my eighth birthday, my grandfather decided I was old enough to start learning martial arts. My grandfather was a Karate practitioner, and so he began to teach me karate forms and techniques. As I trained, he would watch me and fix any of my errors. He was very particular about my form, and I would usually make a lot of mistakes before I finally got a technique right. Yet from these mistakes, I was developing quality traits. From my failures came humility, and from my successes I grew patience. I began to respect others more because I recognized that I had faults, yet respected myself as well because I knew I had the capability to fix them.
Then, two years after I had started training my grandfather passed away from cancer. My father could tell I was devastated and decided to keep up what my grandfather had started. However, instead of Karate my father taught me Judo. It was very different, as it required more physical exertion and strategy on my part. Judo requires the use of joint locks and positioning to control your opponent. I soon realized my life was like my opponent, and that I could control it with my attitude and decisions. As my understanding of this concept grew, so did my responsibility and confidence. These traits manifested themselves as I began to finish my schoolwork much earlier, studied harder, and started to help and stand up for others who needed support.
Another few years passed and before I knew it I was in my sophomore year of high school. I was talking to a friend, and he suggested that I join the wrestling team. I didn't know much about wrestling, but after my friend described it to me, I realized that wrestling could be the next step in my martial arts experience, and so I decided to join. Wrestling was less fluid but much more aggressive than judo, and the training was more intense. As I continued to train in wrestling, I could actually tell that I was maturing at a faster rate than ever before. The intensity of wrestling gave me the confidence that I could overcome any obstacle and it had broken all limitations I had previously felt. A year ago, I had never given the wrestling team a second thought, and now I am training harder than ever before. I realized that if my life could change just like that, and that if I could take on the intensity of wrestling, then anything could happen. No barriers, no limits.
It is because of my martial arts experiences that I am who I am today. Karate grounded me, it taught me to be respectful and modest. Judo gave me discipline, responsibility, and the understanding that I command my own life through my actions. Wrestling instilled in me a fiery confidence that I could do anything I dreamed of, that nothing was out of reach. This three-pronged spear of balance, control, and strength has helped me improve my grades, become a better role model, make better decisions, and strengthen my relationships. I'm proud of my metaphorical weapon, I'm proud to say that I am a karateka, judoka, and wrestler, and I'm proud of whom I have become.
I open my eyes. I am back in the locker room, and gone are the feelings of sickness and nervousness. I feel someone tap my back, and I look up. I'm being called out, it's my turn. I stand up and enter the tunnel that leads to the gym, the mat, and my opponent. As I walk, I remember all that I've learned over the years, and I feel a flame begin to burn in my heart. I can see the end of the tunnel. I don't know what my opponent plans to do, nor what I'll end up doing. But regardless of what happens, I know that with all that I've become, I will succeed. I emerge
Oh very nice, I liked the similarity in the beginning and the end. I can tell you spent a lot of time on this, there isn't much grammatical suggestions I can make than the others have pointed out. Overall, I really liked this. You really showcased your talents, I should stop trying to be interesting and just do that haha. Ok, good work and good luck!
