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REWRITE of Short (250 word) MIT Admissions Essay on the "world I come from"

abhavsar 4 / 7 1  
Nov 1, 2016   #1
Prompt: Describe the world you come from; for example, your family, clubs, school, community, city, or town. How has that world shaped your dreams and aspirations?(*) (200-250 words)

Essay: "Arnav, this is our last warning. If you don't finish your homework by tonight, we're taking your Nintendo DS away, again," my parents say to me as they find out I've been procrastinating on my third grade homework assignment. As a child, I saw their strictness as harsh and almost cruel. But I later came to know that both of my parents grew up in India in relatively poor conditions and had polio. Despite this, they persevered by working hard in their studies, taking every opportunity they could to pursue their careers as engineers. I grew up seeing this perseverance, as they dropped me and my sister to school, maintained their jobs, and fulfilled other family responsibilities, all without ever complaining about physical limitations. I soon began to not only understand my parents better, but to also appreciate and admire them. My parents indirectly taught me how fortunate I am to have so many educational opportunities that they never had. And I realized how stupid I was to simply disregard and throw away what is given to me by procrastinating. Through my own world and my parents' worlds, the worlds we share, I have learned the power of perseverance.


I wanted to focus primarily on my parents' influence on me. Have I effectively answered the question in the prompt?

Also, I'd like to thank users Holt, cb8156 and dils for helping me with other essays.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,524 3442  
Nov 1, 2016   #2
It was my pleasure to help you Arnav. Now, about this essay. Since you already mentioned this information in a previous essay prompt, I would rather that you don't repeat the information. Presenting the same topic twice in different discussions could make the reviewer think that you have a limited exposure outside of your school which is why you do not have much information or experience to share with him. Try to use something different. If you really want to use the story of polio in relation to your parents, then I would suggest that you pick one parent to discuss as your inspiration instead of both of them. That is because there are still differences between the abilities of a man and a woman even when afflicted with the same illness. So whom do you admire most between your parents? Focus more on that parent so that the slant of your essay will be different even though you have used a similar topic in a previous essay. Reviewers don't really take kindly to repeated information but we will try to work around that if you really want to use this topic.
OP abhavsar 4 / 7 1  
Nov 2, 2016   #3

Hi, Holt. I think there was a misunderstanding. This essay was a rewrite of another essay I wrote earlier that I submitted for review here. I had that in my title, but I should have been more clear about that in my post. I'm not writing about my parents twice lol. Sorry for the confusion.

I actually turned in my essays and the rest of my application yesterday though. Do you think this essay was well written now that you know the information wasn't repeated?

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,524 3442  
Nov 2, 2016   #4
Well then, it definitely works in relation to the prompt that was provided. I believe that submitting it is something that you can expect to have a positive impact upon your application. It was really engaging to read and involved me in the scenes as they unfolded. The narrative is something that most people, maybe even the reviewer, can relate to. So you don't have to worry about the way the essay might be received by the reader. It works for your purpose.

Personally, I still would have just chosen one parent to discuss based upon their influence upon me. The essay was giving me the unique opportunity to write about a person who inspired who I have become today. Although I am the completion of the best of my parents, I believe that one parent will always have a more significant influence upon a child. So I would have written about that parent in order to create a better idea of why I am the way I am or who I am today. Like I said though, good work on the original essay. It serves its purpose.
admission2012 - / 481 90  
Nov 2, 2016   #5

I do NOT agree with the other posters here. This essay is as trite as they come.Think about it, almost half the applicants will write this same exact answer for this prompt. This answer is very superficial and expected. You are applying to MIT, you need to digg deeper and really think about your upbringing and talk bluntly about your conditions and how they have molded you and your aspirations. Discuss clubs, activities, tv shows several other aspects in addition to your strict upbringing. Writing about strict parents is done so much that it may actually hurt your chances rather than help them. - Selective Admissions

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