Could someone please check this for grammar, etc? Also, does it help to be more specific when writing to "Why _____?" essays so that you're not generic and simply regurgitating things from the brochure? Do you think my essay is too generic?
What motivated you to apply to Rice University? Please be specific and limit your response to 200 words.
In all honesty, a mere twelve months ago I was almost unaware of Rice University. It wasn't until a friend of mine brought up her aspirations to study in the Rice/Baylor Medical Scholars Program that I began looking into Rice as a future possibility for myself.
I was reading masses of information about many other schools but nothing had created as strong an image as the Rice's values of tradition, small class sizes and unique residential college experience. As a lifelong sports fan, I could almost immediately imagine myself playing powder puff football with other members of my residential college. As someone whose life is empty without a slight dose of humor, I began picturing myself participating in one of the many Rice pranks. I was drawn to the fact that traditions could be so light hearted and comical at such a prestigious, renowned academic institution like Rice.
Academically, throughout high school, I have often taken accelerated courses with smaller class sizes and I strongly believe that a small class provides the best possible learning environment for students primarily through close contact with the teacher and insightful class discussions. I had found the missing pieces of my college search puzzle in Rice as it was able to offer me unique experiences both inside and outside of the classroom.
Word Count: 218
Well, I think: ^^
No abbreviation: wasn't
Don't start too many successive sentences with "I".
masses of information --> I don't think this phrase is proper :-? I suggest u change it :)
values of tradition --> traditional values
small class sizes --> small class size / small-sized class(es)
Academically, throughout high school, I have often taken accelerated courses with smaller class sizes and I strongly believe that a small class provides the best possible learning environment for students primarily through close contact with the teacher and insightful class discussions. --> I think that it's too long. U could just divide it into 2 separate sentences.
Anyway, wait until receiving some professional comments. ^^
Good luck! ;)
I'm not so sure but I think my comments may be useful. Something you need to improve:
+/Wordiness: A friend of mine ----> my friend +NAME (I think making it specific can help the story become more realistic and reasonable).
For example: ...until my friend Linda...
+/May be "To be honest" is more simple and effective than "In all honesty"
Apart from the english errors pointed out above, I think the general idea of this essay is clear and unique. Good job and all the best! (:
Thanks for the feedback :) I've changed a few things up except the word count has now gone up at 221...
A mere twelve months ago I was almost unaware of Rice University, but this all changed when my friend Heidi brought up her aspirations to study in the Rice/Baylor Medical Scholars Program which triggered me to look into Rice as a future possibility for myself.
Every student's college search inevitably involves reading masses of information about a vast number of schools. Nothing I read created as strong an image as the Rice's traditional values, small-sized classes and unique residential college experience. As a lifelong sports fan, I could almost immediately imagine myself playing powder puff football with other members of my residential college. As someone whose life is empty without a slight dose of humor, I began picturing myself participating in one of many traditional Rice pranks. The combination of such light hearted and comical traditions within a prestigious, renowned academic institution like Rice is purely one of a kind.
Throughout high school, I took accelerated courses in a small class setting and strongly believe that a small class provides the best possible learning environment for students; primarily through close contact with the teacher and insightful class discussions. Thus I found the missing pieces of my college search puzzle in Rice as it will be able to offer me unique and valuable experiences both inside and outside of the classroom.
I'm a little iffy about the "triggered me to look into Rice" phrase, anybody have any suggestions on how to rephrase that in a better way?
