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[Rice] What will I bring to diversity? [I need some guide!]

joonghoon5 3 / 9  
Dec 26, 2009   #1
If you see me daily, you would probably find me sometimes boring yet sometimes very fun to be around. You might get bored at me because I am literally always busy doing something. As the sports go, I play soccer, football, and lift weights. You might think I am a pretty athletic guy, but wait. As the arts side go, I act and sing like Broadway actors in my musicals, sing confidently with my chest open in choir. I also love to draw as well and quite talented, in fact. I have drawn independently for about two years, and I won an award from my school with my self-portrait. But that is only athletic and artistic side of me. I also love to study and communicate in Spanish. Okay, now you should be bored!

You might find me fun to be around because I love to be silly and throw some witty jokes at times.

Do you think it is boring or fun because it is a very different approach to an essay?

Do you guys have any suggestion as to how I should progress or should I just write a different essay?

Thank you all!

iRunShow 6 / 15  
Dec 26, 2009   #2
I am sorry to be harsh, but i think you should write a new essay.

The concept of you being a boring person is never good to adcoms. And there are a many grammar errors above.

Anyways, goodluck with your writing.
colorfuloving 6 / 31  
Dec 26, 2009   #3
hello [:

hahaha I think your essay is cute, but maybe a little too much so for an essay of this caliber.

Are you responding to this: "The quality of Rice's academic life is heavily influenced by the unique life experiences and cultural traditions each student brings. What perspective do you feel that you will contribute to life at Rice?" ?

If so, I feel like an admissions officer would see this essay as a list of accomplishments, veiled behind a formulaic and ineffective humor(I'm just trying to think like the people that'll be making or breaking our acceptances).

One thing though, I don't see much of how you would contribute to the DIVERSITY of the Rice community. It's nice in itself, but I don't think the fact that you're athletic and artistic really says that you will make the campus more diverse. I don't see a perspective shining through in this essay.

Do you have a certain mindset that will aid you in college? Do your forays into art and sports have an overarching message in your life, one that you want to share with your peers when you go to Rice?

Talk about your life. Talk about your culture (Korean, yes?). Talk about the things that REALLY make you who you are, and how you can use those things to your advantage.

ughh I know I didn't give any SPECIFIC help, but I hope my generalized advice aids you in some way or another. Good luck! [[:
OP joonghoon5 3 / 9  
Dec 26, 2009   #4
Thank you iRunshow!

and Thanks a lot colorfuloving haha. I find it amusing how you called it cute. I love to use that word too lol. Well, I tried to be like this bc my other essay [the main common app] is kinda sad. I talked about how I overcame being alone at new school and how I have grown from that experience.

I am trying to show my witty side in this piece that was not shown in the previous one. My other essay talks about my perfectionism, but I am not sure if that can be added to diversity, you know?

And yes, you are very right. I need to talk about how I can add to the diversity...

I really am not sure which one I should talk about... I guess I will think about it more tomorrow. But, thanks a lot for your advice. I would love to check your essays and give feedback!
colorfuloving 6 / 31  
Dec 28, 2009   #5
:D I hope you figured out what direction to take with your essay, and that it all goes well in the end. let me know if you need anything else.

if you don't mind, could you check my U Chicago "Why us?" essay? anyyy advice at all will be gratefully considered!
molecule 2 / 10  
Dec 28, 2009   #6
Well friend,

The things you have mentioned are really good but you really need to show how you turned into a multi-dimensional person. Your words should prove you dynamic and active in all the activities you have mentioned. Hope it helps!

What is the word limit?

This is just my own perception!

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