Why Rice_This was when I first learnt about Rice, as I watched the YouTube video of Joe Wong

How did you first learn about Rice University, and what motivated you to apply? (250 word limit)

"I came to the United States when I was 24 to study at Rice University in Texas- that wasn't a joke -until now."

This was when I first learnt about Rice, as I watched the YouTube video of Joe Wong's comedy performance and could not help laughing. After further research on the unorthodox comedian's old school, I was fascinated by Rice's unconventional elements-its curriculum system, the residential college and the Unconventional Wisdom.

The flexible curriculum system enables me to take courses not only from my chosen school, but from all the eight schools. I can take courses by Professor John Alford from School of Social Sciences and even join his current research to analyze people's political behaviors from the perspective of biology. When studying with Professor Steven Lewis from School of Humanities, I can delve into current Chinese policy with the consideration of government propaganda campaigns.

Also, the special residential college system would give me an unconventional experience. In the self-governed college, I can practice my knowledge to the student-run government. If I can join the college basketball team, I may along with my teammates fight with other teams and together win the coveted President's Cup.

With the experience of studying at Rice, I will be able to apply the special thinking way to my future career, get involved into the policy-making process and find new solutions to further improve Chinese policy.

Martin, the most important consideration for this response has got to be the academic reasons that you decided to apply for admission to Rice. While your response is entertaining and you have shown a great deal of admiration for certain aspects of the academic and extra curricular life at the university, there is a lack of information regarding the true reason behind your application.

What is the major that you wish to focus on as a student? Good, you know what it is. Now, look into the reasons why studying that course at Rice will make you an outstanding graduate. What academic programs, internships, organizations, or other activities that you can participate in tells you that Rice is the ultimate school for all your ambitions? You are talking too much in general terms so that tells the reviewer that either you do not have a major in mind yet or, that you have not really settled on Rice as your first choice university, yet.

The reviewer will want to see the excitement coming from you about becoming a part of the academic life at Rice. You have the early foundations for that in the essay's second paragraph, make it stronger and more focused on a task that you want to accomplish while studying. Make sure that your reasons for opting for Rice as an academic institution shows the motivation behind your application.

You don't have to focus on the video of Joe Wong. That should not even be the quote at the start of the essay. That should only be mentioned in passing because it is not as important as the other information that you should be presenting. Knowing a famous alumna of the school will not help you application. It just shows that you know who the graduates of the university are. So focus only the "Why?" and "Motivation" of your application.

@Holt
Thank you very much for your helpful suggestions, which opened my mind about writing Why Essay. For this essay, however, I do not want to mention too much about academic, for I've included this in other parts of my application. Here's my latest version, I talked about the diversity and the research chances of Rice, and any suggestion is strongly welcomed!!

I first learnt about Rice as I watched the comedy performance of Rice alumnus Joe Wong. After further researching his old school to see where such interesting soul was fostered, I was strongly appealed by Rice's open-minded culture and countless research opportunities.

Interacting with different kinds of people is important for me to study politics, because through this process I can learn to understand others' unique ideas and express my considerations clearly. Located in the highly diverse Huston city, Rice includes students from various races. With the open-minded cultural environment and the Harry-Porter-style residential college, I can not only enjoy my every day in Rice with the happiest students, but also have intellectual talks with them, improve my ability to communicate different ideas and get preparation for my future career to make the fittest policy for whole society.

The accessibility to research chances is another key factor for me to apply Rice. I wish to join Professor Alford's current project to study people's political behaviors through biology aspects, and Rice makes it especially easy. Unlike other research universities, Rice strongly encourages undergraduates to participate in faculty programs through many ways like Center for Civic Leadership. Also, the small-sized classes coupled with interactive classroom environment foster good relationship and full understanding between professors and students, who are thus able to truly engage into professors' researches rather than only do basic stuff in other universities. ALL I have to do to join the endless projects founded by the National Science Foundation is to directly ask professors through e-mail. I really hoped to grasp this opportunity, so I decided to apply Rice at once.

Much better Martin. However, the second paragraph has such a generalized description that you can apply it to any university in the United States. My suggestion, is to make your response a simple, straightforward 2 paragraph essay. Use only the first and third paragraphs of this essay to create your response. It is strong, diverse, and shows an academic and social connection without repeating information from your other essay responses. By the way, please change the all caps "ALL" to the proper capital and lower case writing. Don't shout at the reviewer by using all caps. In my opinion editing the essay in this manner makes it ready for submission, unless you have some other or additional concerns you wish to address before finalizing the essay?

@Holt
Thank your again for your detailed suggestions!! Your advise greatly helps me with the application and I totally agree with your them. However, I am still seeking any possibility to include the advantage of Houston into my essay. As a diverse city with people from many races, Houston is in fact my favorite city in the United States for I can interact with many interesting people with different background. I really want to mention it, so can I have any ways to add this element to my essays?

Martin, if you really want to include Houston in the essay then you will have to do some research regarding the programs that the university offers which will offer you a chance to work as an intern or part time employee at businesses that relate to your chosen major. The only way to include Houston in the essay is by relating it to your studies at Rice. Try to find ways and means to gain training opportunities outside the university but still, under the supervision of the university since it will be a sanctioned or recommended learning experience. That way you will show the reviewer that you are aware of the academic opportunities offered by Rice in relation to the community surrounding it. I will reiterate that it is important for you to find the training programs through the university so that you will not deviate too much from the "Why Rice?" question provided.