Im not sure if I should make the intro shorter so that I can talk more about Rice. As usual, any and all criticism is welcome.
What motivated you to apply to Rice University? Please be specific and limit your response to 200 words.
Throughout my initial college search I had never heard of Rice. However, one day I got a post card and was about to throw it away, like I had done with other universities I was unfamiliar with. For some reason though I decided to look into Rice University, and in the end I am happy I did. In the past year I have researched many different colleges, but none of them have had as strong of an impact on me as Rice.
One of my favorite things about Rice is that it combines rigorous academic study, with light-hearted and fun student traditions. As I researched the student traditions at Rice, I could picture myself chugging water during the beer bike and competing in freshman flag football during the President's Cup. Of these, the most appealing thing to me is the Karate club, which is taught by a grandmaster and will allow me to continue my training. Academically, I know that Rice has a small student to faculty ratio. Having small class sizes throughout high school, I know firsthand the kind of stimulating and thought provoking discussion that it can elicit. The more I research the more it grows on me.
Yes, you could shorten the intro. In fact, you could eliminate the first paragraph altogether, if you wanted to. The postcard may have been the thing that first brought the university to your attention, but it isn't really what motivated you to apply. You'd probably be better off expanding on some of the points in your second paragraph, especially the "rigorous academic study" part, which is currently eclipsed by the "fun student traditions."
Thank you, I think I will get rid of the first paragraph, and add more about Rice's academics.
Throughout my initial college search, I had never heard of Rice. However, one day I got a post card and was about to throw it away, like I had done with other universities I was unfamiliar with . For some reason though, I decided to look into Rice University, and, in the end, I am happy I did. In the past year, I have researched many different colleges, but none of them have had as strong of an impact on me as Rice.
The more I research, the more it grows on me.
I like the last sentence of the firs paragraph, but the remaining parts of the first paragraph can be deleted. I would focus more on why you like the school and want to go there.
