---The quality of Rice's academic life and the Residential College System are heavily influenced by the unique life experiences and cultural traditions each student brings. What personal perspective do you feel that you will contribute to life at Rice? (500 word limit)
I moved to America when I was four, so at my grandfather's funeral service in South Korea in 2008, I felt completely out of place, surrounded by strangers. The few times I had seen my grandfather, I was scared by his stern demeanor I mistook for coldness, and my introverted personality and the intimidating language barrier compounded with the fact that I lived thousands of miles from him meant that I never got to really know him. I felt guilty that I couldn't overcome my timidness, then angry at my feelings of shame, and finally sad that I never had a proper conversation with my own grandfather. I regretted allowing my bias to keep me from my grandfather, and henceforth I resolved to be open-minded and try my utmost to learn about something before pushing it away.
I am now an avid pumpkin pie-lover, but I hated its creamy guts when I first tasted it six long years ago. I desperately tried to avoid it, but confrontations were inevitable, especially in a household that condemned picky eaters. Furthermore, I reasoned that there had to be some redeeming qualities in the gooey pastry when so many people liked it, and I would lament missing out on something potentially good. Eventually, pumpkin pie didn't taste so bad, although I was prideful and loathed to admit it. At last, I could deny no further that pumpkin pie was delicious; it was like the bliss of a mother with her newborn baby sleeping in her arms, the satisfaction of President Obama as he swaggers off-screen after announcing the death of Osama bin Laden, and the freshness of a newbie high-school teacher before succumbing to hordes of precocious teenagers. Looking back, I heave a sigh of relief that I had the resolve not to impose my prejudice on pumpkin pie, as I did with my grandfather, and avoided a far less fulfilling life without it.
My conviction to stay open-minded was put to the test when I encountered National History Day, an academic program in which students research a historical subject and compete against other students by presenting their projects to a panel of judges. At first, I thought it would be a waste of time. However, the regrets I felt when my grandfather passed away reminded me to be tolerant, so I decided to try it out. The work was tedious and stressful, but my completed project gave me satisfaction. Competition day came and brought a cultural tide of exhibits and plays about Legos, Queen Elizabeth, the freedom riders, Dorothea Dix, and many other pieces of history. The care and time invested in each of the projects were awe-inspiring, and I was glad that I had been flexible enough to accept NHD into my life.
Everyday brings new people to meet, ideas to ponder, and opportunities to seize. At Rice, I will continue to apply my conviction to keep an open mind so I won't miss out on anything.
--- Word count: 495
--- I'm open to any suggestions and thank you so much in advance!
I moved to America when I was four. After many years of exposure to America, I felt completely out of place at my grandfather's funeral service in South Korea. The few times I had seen my grandfather, I was scared by his stern demeanor, which I mistook for coldness. My introverted personality and the intimidating language barrier compounded with the fact that I lived thousands of miles from him meant that I never got to know more than the "cold face"(I dont know if thats the best but, something along those lines). I felt guilty that in the past hadn't overcome my timidness and sad that I never had a proper conversation with my grandfather. I regretted allowing my shyness (it wasn't bias that stopped you from talking to him) to keep me from my grandfather. Now I don't let coyness stop me from trying to learn about unfamiliar things.
Start the new paragraph with something like... "Because of that experience, I can now call myself a pie lover." Also take out the part about 6 years ago...
The few times I had seen my grandfather, I was scared by his stern demeanor I mistook for coldness, and my introverted personality and the intimidating language barrier compounded with the fact that I lived thousands of miles from him meant that I never got to really know him.
This sentence is very long such that the reader might lose interest. Maybe rewrite it.
Make some sort of transition as you move from one paragraph to another. Otherwise your whole essay falls apart. Besides that, the content of your essay is very good.
please help with mine!
Really well written, and the ideas are good. Other than what others posted I don't think there is any way you can improve it. It answers the prompt well. I wrote the common app essay you reviewed... Can you check it again, and tell me where some of the other parts I can improve on are? Thanks
