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'rich and traditional physics department' - Why Yale?


saujla 2 / 5  
Dec 31, 2011   #1
What in particular about Yale has influenced your decision to apply? Please limit your response to the space provided.

Yale has a very rich and traditional physics department with its top-flight research faculty. I will be able to continue my research in dark matter and develop other interests while working with Dr. Charles Baltay on the QUEST project and take a more theoretical and rigorous approach in PHYS 343 and PHYS 442. Yale will let me emerge as an engaged, global citizen from its quirky residential community. I am awed by Yale's diverse groups since I will be able to join Yale Debate Association while maintaining my own identity in Sikh Students at Yale and Yale Bhangra Society.

Please let me know how it is, be harsh. Tell me what I should keep, remove, etc.
ZhoeK 5 / 173  
Dec 31, 2011   #2
Sartaj

Yale has a very rich and traditional physics department with its top-flight research faculty. I will be able to continue my research in dark matter and develop other interests while working with Dr. Charles Baltay on the QUEST project and take a more theoretical and rigorous approach in PHYS 343 and PHYS 442. Yale will let me emerge as(awkwardly phrased) an engaged, global citizen from its quirky residential community. I am awed by Yale's diverse groups sinceYale's diverse clubs fascinate/titillate me - I will be able to join Yale Debate Association while maintaining my own identity in Sikh Students at Yale and Yale Bhangra Society.

I think you highlighted things that were important to you -staying true to your identity while exploring, your interest in research and community very well. The only thing is your transitions are kind of abrupt, clipped and not very smooth, so maybe you should work on that. But otherwise, you've demonstrated your knowledge of Yale and why you think that Yale is the college for you.

Hope this helps & if you would not mind I would love if you took a look at my revised common app extracurricular essay. Thanks!
goldenmachine12 2 / 5  
Dec 31, 2011   #3
It's got the ideas, but for me it just seems like sentences thrown together. It does need transitions, and the prompt says what inparticular, so I also agree; you should find one or two things and elaborate on that.But the details and "exactness" about the things you're writing about are good. (that last sentence I typed didn't make sense to me but I'll leave it)
OP saujla 2 / 5  
Dec 31, 2011   #4
I made a few changes to the original, let me know how this is. I will also give you guys comments on your essays very soon.

Another thing: I have got mixed views of focusing on one thing or having the same content as of now but just making it more flowy (I love this because I truly believe every word I've said and want them to know), can someone tell me which would be more effective for Yale?
ZhoeK 5 / 173  
Dec 31, 2011   #5
Sartaj

Mhmmm, well maybe you can intertwine two aspects if you feel like all that you have mentioned is kind of erratic.

Maybe like this?

Yale has a very rich and traditional physics department. With Yale's top-flight research faculty and nice blend of theoretical and rigorous approach in higher level courses (PHYS 343 and PHYS 442), I will be able to continue my research in dark matter and develop other interests while working with exceptional professors such as Dr. Charles Baltay. The quirky, close-knit residential environment and diverse clubs intrigues me as I will be able to join Yale Debate Association while maintaining my own identity in the Sikh Students at Yale and Yale Bhangra Society and meet new and interesting persons.(I think this can be smoother, I poorly structured it)

A little better I think? Not sure but hopefully it doesn't push you over the word limit.
OP saujla 2 / 5  
Dec 31, 2011   #6
Hey guys, I finally decided to make it focused on physics rather than anything else. Let me know how it is!!

EDIT:

Yale has a very rich and traditional physics department. With Yale's top-flight research faculty and nice blend of theoretical and rigorous approach in higher level courses (PHYS 343 and PHYS 442), I will be able to continue my research in dark matter while working closely with Dr. Charles Baltay on the QUEST project. This project will enable me a smooth transition into graduate school, as well as the academic credit in order to also pursue mathematics at Yale.


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