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richmond supplement: out of the comfort zone- comments appreciated


ariel0812 1 / 2  
Oct 19, 2009   #1
Hey guys, I'm applying to the U. of Richmond this year. This is the supplement essay besides the common apps.

Tell us about an experience in which you left your comfort zone. How did this experience change you?

After my exchange year as a junior, I came back to the U.S. as an international independent student and apply to a new high school. The experience I received from my exchange year, again, engaged me to try something different, to face with a new challenges and experiences. Attending to a small private high school as a senior, I have to repeat the whole thing all over again, from getting use with the new environment to making new friends, new relationship. For the first few weeks, I was overloaded with homework and assignments as well as adjusting to the new environment. However, when I decided to come back to America and leaving behind my new comfort zone in the old school, I set my own goals in pursuing a better education in a more challenging school, to have a better preparation for college. I accepted to the new challenges and hope that it could enhance my abilities as well as exploring new capabilities.

As an Asian girl, people expect me to excel in math and science. However, that stereotype doesn't apply to me. Since I was young, I've never liked science. Those are some of my weaknesses that I do not want to face. When my advisor suggested that I take AP Physics, I was hesitant. I was afraid of this new challenge since I haven't taken any physics since I was in 9th grade in Vietnam. Moreover, having two AP classes, along with extracurricular activities like Key Club and Model UN, I'm afraid I'd be overloaded. Debating with myself over that issue, I wondered what I really wanted to do. Besides the hectic schedule as a senior, deep in my heart, I knew what I was most afraid of. I was afraid to be a loser in front of an unknown challenge; I was afraid that this class would disarray my GPA along with my spirit. Realizing those fears made me change my mind. I signed up for that class because I didn't want to limit myself. I wanted to confront my fear of science, to make myself try harder.

Having the spirit for the new challenge, I came to class with my full attention, asking questions, reading the book every day. Despite my effort, I failed my first quiz. Being the only one who failed the quiz, I was upset. Failing for the first time in four years, I didn't know whether I made the right choice. I had the option to drop the class and sign up for an easier, safer class which could ensure my high GPA and, especially, my spirit. Those thoughts filled up my head. At night, I debated with myself, over and over again. Along with my hectic schedule of works, I felt depressed. I thought that maybe my life was over, that I was a loser who could not do anything right. Covered up with sadness and loneliness as well, I cried over my table at night, reminiscing about the years of my triumph and success.

Suddenly, my physics book fell right on my feet. It hurt my toe so bad that all I could say was, "Oh, my God, whyyyyy?". Madly, I kicked the book and a note card stuck out. On that card, there are words that I wrote in the beginning of my school year: "Never give up!!!" Those three words, simple as they are, changed my attitude. It reminded me all the challenges I had faced and the promises that I made to family, to always be strong and never give up. I came to school the next day maintaining my attention and spirit to learn. With help from my friends and teachers, I found out what I misunderstood and continuing with my hard work. I have an A on my next test but what made me happy the most is that I know I have made a right choice; that I'm brave enough to stand for what I believe.

My experience in the new school taught me that there's no such thing called completeness, that there's always something new to learn and experience. Being in the new, challenging school provides me the opportunity to explore more about my inner capabilities, to enhance my skills as well as my determination. I learn to be more independent and confident in myself, to always push myself to the limits and give 100% in everything I do. I'm looking forward for the bright future ahead with new challenges and new experiences.

Thanks for reading
EF_Stephen - / 264  
Oct 19, 2009   #2
This is basically a good essay and and an interesting one, too.

But it needs more paragraphs (break it up some) and you need work on prepositions and plurals. Read it out loud and see what it sounds like and you'll see what I mean.


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