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Richmond Suppliment- Time you left your comfort zone and how it affected you


crb4595 1 / -  
Oct 1, 2012   #1
Hey guys it would be great if you can read over this essay real fast and tell me what you think and if there are any mistakes

Oak Neck Pizzeria

"Scrub the dishes, sweep the floor, stock the shelves!" Those were only some of the vexatious commands yelled at me each day. My boss was a stereotypical penny picker, and everything had to be perfect. The threat of being fired from Tony, my boss, became a very normal thing. After years of this, though, I picked up my slack and became one of his favorite employees.

In about third grade my dad scored a huge job at HSBC, a bank in the city. Although nothing was ever said strait out, it was clear my life was changing. My dad was one of "those" guys now, meaning he was making the big bucks. He kept moving up in the ranks at his job and was getting wealthier and wealthier each year.

Soon after he had landed this great job, we moved into a much bigger house on the water with a beautiful view. My dad bought two motor boats, three sail boats, and a jet-ski. He bought himself a new BMW and my mom a Lexus. Anything I wanted he got for me: xbox, television, laptop; I just basically snapped my fingers and it was all there. But the biggest and my most favorite purchase was the service of Clasauria, our new maid.

With Clasauria, I barely did anything. She cooked, cleaned, shopped, anything you could think of. Whenever I was at one of my friend's houses and they were tidying up, I almost look confused as to why they were doing it themselves. This made me extremely lazy and spoiled.

When I hit the ninth grade everything changed. My dad's boss at HSBC was replaced, and the new boss and him did not get along. They fought so much that he was eventually fired and had to take a job at a new place called Daiwa Securities. At Diawa, he was receiving less than half the salary he had been receiving a his previous job. Again, this meant change.

My father's business was not doing well at all. He was lucky to even keep his job considering most of his coworkers were let go of. The bad times hit hard and I had to say goodbye to the boats, the cars, and Clasauria. I did not have the luxury of using my parent's credit card whenever I wanted to buy things. When I thought it couldn't get worse, my dad hit me with that harsh word. I had to get a "job."

We weren't doing well and he couldn't buy the things I needed. If I wanted something, even necessary things like clothes or sports equipment, I had to buy it with my own money. My neighbor got me a job at a local pizzeria. I was shocked. I grew up the rich spoiled kid who had someone cook and clean for me, but now the tables have turned. The boss hated me at first, and actually told me he wouldn't care if I left, he just didn't fire me because he was close with my neighbor.

I left my comfort zone when I took the job at the pizzeria. It has taught me not only how to cook a great pizza, but how to work for things. If I never took this job, I would still be expecting things to come to me easy. After this summer, I even realized an increase in my grades at school because of a better work ethic. I have been taught to do things right, work hard, and satisfy other people, instead of just trying to satisfy myself.

KhanhZ 5 / 131 7  
Oct 18, 2012   #2
Hello, Chris)
Your essay is not bad, but while reading it I didn't feel a strong emotional impact. You should probably add more details on your hardships and how they rocked you emotionaly.

And the first para of your essay doesn't have a transition to the "backstory" of the next paragraphs. When I read at first, I thought you worked at the age of 9.

The threatfear of being fired fromby Tony, my boss, became a very normal thingmy chronic syndrome

In about third grade my dad scored a huge job at HSBC

Although nothing was ever said straigh t out

My dad's boss at HSBC was replaced, and the new boss and him did not get along with him well .

I grew up as the rich spoiled kid who had someone cook and clean for meeverything served on a silver platter ,


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