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'rid ourselves of rationalizations' - parsons challenge


Mikemikemike 4 / 13  
Jan 30, 2012   #1
Help me make it sharper and cleaner?

We as human beings, and as living creatures can never get away from what I've chosen to explore. It doesn't merely form part of our lives and daily environments: it is a crucial element of life that we could not do without. Although we are surrounded by it at all times my discovery is often overlooked or underestimated.

As I walked along the sidewalk on a pleasant spring morning and looked through my camera's viewfinder...I discovered light. I found myself marveling at the way certain angles combined with sun rays created other-worldly images. This is a photograph of light trapped in tiny specks of water. Even though light is a constant in our life, it has a magic element to it, I think that as human beings we should sometimes rid ourselves of rationalizations, allowing ourselves to wonder at the elemental parts of life.


thanks!
iliketofu 2 / 2  
Jan 31, 2012   #2
I'm not really good at writing myself but I can help you with some grammar mistakes.
Put a comma after all times: Although we are surrounded by it at all times, my discovery is often overlooked or underestimated.

You should also replace "..." with a comma: As I walked along the sidewalk on a pleasant spring morning and looked through my camera's viewfinder...I discovered light.

This is a run on sentence: Even though light is a constant in our life, it has a magic element to it, I think that as human beings we should sometimes rid ourselves of rationalizations, allowing ourselves to wonder at the elemental parts of life.

So you should separate it into two sentences.

I think your ideas are great and you write a lot better than I do.


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